Results tagged ‘ Soccer ’

The Filibuster

Usain Bolt is looking to try out with a British soccer team. What athlete that you’ve seen in the Olympics would you most like to see trying out for an American baseball team?

Ethan
Santa Clara, CA
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Olympians turned baseballers?  I like the way you think, Ethan.  And I welcome the possibilities!

I can’t help but think Michael Phelps would look good in Yankee pinstripes.  The man has 20 Olympic medals — hardware that would surely look good next to 27 World Series trophies.  And let’s face it, the dude has earned the right to be as cocky and off-putting as he is.  He might not have Derek Jeter’s golden little black book yet, but some time around the Captain and soon he too could be kissing mirrors of himself.

When it comes to actual physical strength though I might suggest Holley Mangold take up a spot in the American League as a DH.  She wouldn’t have to actually do much running or having anyrefined skills other than swinging for the fences; and accounting for her already buoyant build, I don’t think we would have to worry about any Giambian steroid scandals.

Of course, no baseball league is complete without its lovable losers.  And considering how much crying Jordyn Wieber did in the 30th Olympiad, I think she’d be a perfect fit for the Chicago Cubs.

But let’s not forget, when it comes to an Olympian I want on my baseball team, there is no one other than THE Usain Bolt.

Holy jerk chicken, that guy is a bonafide SUPERSTAR!!!

Have you EVER seen anything more exciting the last 4 years than watching that man run!?!?!  Unbelievable!  I’d want him in center field, catching everything in between the foul poles.  At the plate, I’d have him try to walk as much as possible, just to mess with the opposing pitchers’ mind before taking off to fly around the bases.  And look out if he actually hits a ball out of the infield, ‘cuz dude is gonna turn singles into doubles and doubles into inside-the-parkers!

Not only that, but Bolt is also insanely entertaining in the most endearing of ways — a happy-go-lucky clowner who can back it up with performance as opposed to the psychotic shenanigans of a WAY less talented Tony Plush.

Forget soccer, Mr. Bolt, please come wear the birds on the bat.

And don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

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Just in Case the Nukes Don’t Work

Considering it’s the off-season, there’s sure a lot going on.  Ok, maybe not so much in the world of baseball where the AL’s Prince Fielder hangover is finally starting to wear off, but everywhere else, it’s pandemonium.

Of course there was the Superbowl, which, once again, was a phenomenal game.  If you’re not American, there’s a good chance you’re following either the African Cup of Nations soccer tournament or tuning in for the ongoing rivalry between Real Madrid and Barcelona.  And somehow people care about basketball again.  But, that’s just sports.

In the non-athletic domains, the action is even more intense.  Syria is descending into civil war and threatens to take the rest of the Middle East with it.  Mitt and Newt, both of whom should be excluded from presidential consideration based solely on their first names, continue to slug it out in the race to the Republican nomination.  If that’s not enough for you, we also have Iran’s war-mongering which seems to consist mainly of vaguely Monty Python-esque threats.

There’s another Iran note that truly caught my attention, though.  It seems that they’re hedging their bets on the whole nuclear program by creating an unconventional back-up plan:

I’ll tell you what, you can laugh off Iran saying they’re going to close the Straits of Hormuz.  But ninjas?  No one laughs at ninjas.  Except maybe Chuck Norris.

-A

Keep It On the Field

A year ago the southern edge of the Mediterranean lit up with a rainbow of revolutions.  Tunisia, Libya and Egypt all rose up while even quiet countries like Morocco had to deal with protesters in the streets.  A year later, with real elections taking place across the region, it seemed like things might have finally settled down.  But after what happened in Egypt on Wednesday, maybe not so much.

Violence is a part of sports.  Even baseball, which tends more toward craft than collision, has its share of physical play.  I’m sure no one has quite forgotten the sickening crunch when Buster Posey went down last season.  Despite the uproar after the play, though, few people would deny that it was fair.  Unfortunate, yes, but fair.

The problem is that violence should stay on the field.  Athletes understand the inherent risks in what they do.  They’re also well compensated for it.  But ending up in a coma in the hospital after a game because you were wearing the wrong jersey?  That’s not a part of the game.  Ending up in a morgue in Cairo because you support the wrong team?  That’s not a part of the game.  What’s worse is that it looks like politics may have played a major part in the Cairo catastrophe and that should definitely not be a part of the game.

-A

Inward and Upward!

The US has a penchant for invention, especially when it comes to sports.  Need something to fill up your leisure time?  Let’s go throw a ball into a peach basket!  In between wars but feeling the need to crush something?  Let’s inflate a pigskin and then crash into each other!  Upset that America doesn’t have a game quite as confusing as cricket?  Let’s grab a bat and ball and then invent the infield fly rule!  We enjoy the intersection of skill and chance that sporting endeavors provide but at the same time we’re oddly inwardly focused.

Take soccer for instance.  Most of the world is absolutely insane over soccer but we prefer watching cars drive in circles for hours on end.  We don’t dislike soccer for being soccer.  We dislike soccer for not being ours.  Nascar and Indy, though?  That’s all us.

So it makes sense that as the Euro and world markets fall apart, we tend to focus on the issues that go no further than our shores.  Even the problems of our neighbors, like Mexico’s burgeoning civil war, are seen as “their” problems.  Not ours.

Unlike soccer, though, external financial problems do affect us.  Americans don’t consume like they did through the 90’s and the early 2000’s so if manufacturers want to continue selling their goods and hiring employees to make those goods, they need a market.  Europe is a big part of that market but, well, I’ll leave it to this guy to explain:

I’m not saying we’re all screwed.  I’m not saying we’re all going to die.  But I’m also not saying where I buried my gold.

-A

Confessions of a Pig: Women’s Soccer

Oink oink!

Like a lot of my fellow US Americans, my Sunday focus was on the U.S. women’s soccer team as they battled Japan for the World Cup title.  I like soccer.  I mean, I like it about every two years.  I watch the men’s World Cup, watch the women’s World Cup the next year, then rest for two years, then back to the men’s World Cup, etc.

But when it comes to the female competition, I have an increasingly difficult time following the actual game, mostly because I find ogling the beautiful participants a novel distraction.  It even serves as a warm-up to then Googling the beautiful participants, and before long, I am looking at a full computer screen of sweaty, seductive Hope Solos.

Is the game over yet?

I’m wondering this: do female baseball fans have the same problem?  I mean, I know that the ladies love their baseballers… I can’t tell ya how many times my cousin Holly has declared her undying love for Jimmy Edmonds with his shirt off and one of my sisters never shuts up about what she’d do to Adam Wainwright; but seriously, do women lose track of what’s actually happening during the game because of that lust?

While I wait for your answer, you can find me on Alex Morgan’s website.  I might be there a while.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 20: Utley’s Multiple Meniscuses… and Other Stuff

betty white and alf podcast photo.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

The proverbial (and literal) gloves come off in this verbal masquerade of utter ridiculousness and yes, injuries do occur (though mostly to Johanna and, since they are mental in nature, hardly noticed).  Among the topics of conversation one will find: Jeff’s wandering Forever 21 eyes, Zack Greinke’s ribs, the difference between a half and a full nelson, Cameroonian baseball, Bud Selig-bashing take 47 and much, much more… all to make you smile, laugh and play!

Holla!

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  Keith is all over the interwebz killin’ it.  You should definitely check out his crew and their subsequently hilarious podcast at Undercard Films.  And keep your eye out for what’s next.  Dude’s makin’ a movie!

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Recorded Saturday, March 12, 2011

Temperature Rising

thermometer.jpgAverage temperature of most major US cities during the month of June:

Mid 80’s Fahrenheit

Average temperature in Doha, Qatar during the month of June:

106 degrees Fahrenheit

Why is this important?  It’s important because Qatar just beat out the US to host the 2022 World Cup and that event is usually held in June. 

Now, I don’t know about you but I can’t imagine running around for five minutes in that kind of heat, much less over the course of two 45-minute halves.  How hot does it get in that area of the world?  Well, when world-class swimmers are dying in the water, you can say it’s pretty dang hot.

So, what happens to soccer players who don’t even have the water?  I’ve been in a ballpark in the States in June and it’s no joke.  If I wasn’t able to continuously replace the water I lost through sweating with beer, I would have been in trouble.  And I was only sitting there, not moving around.  Add 20 degrees and a lot more physical exertion and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.

I know that Qatar has been developing air conditioned stadiums and all that jazz but this just seems like a phenomenally bad idea.  Or maybe it’s just that I’m American and can’t understand why you’d ever say no to us.  Maybe we forgot to say “Pretty please”?

-A

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 14: Ryne Sandberg’s Phlight… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 8.jpg

 

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

…the fullest, rawest, most awe inspiring podcast yet, RSBS convenes as Jeff, Allen, Johanna and special guest Mark Piebenga from Second City all come together for one rip-roarin’ time!  Among the topics of conversation (sponsored by Lifestyles and encouraged by Miller Lite) are strains to one’s right glute, burning one’s hand on the hot stove, hiding one’s pain with the NBA… and much, much more! 

All to make you smiley face!

Holla!

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For more on Mark’s work on RSBSNinemen’s Morris series, check out this story then click on the Ninemen’s Morris tag at the bottom for more early 20th century hilarity!

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  You can check out Keith’s wicked podcast and his subsequent film projects at  Undercard Films.  The dude has mad skillz, so you might wanna pay attention.  Do it!  Now!

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Recorded Wednesday, November 17, 2010

 

Dealing with Dirty Balls

As the end of the season approaches, it’s important to keep things in order.  You don’t want something simple like hygiene to keep you out of the game.  Luckily, there’s a solution:

Happy Friday!

-A

A Little Planned Spontaneity

terrell_owens_star.jpgDefeat doesn’t really hit home unless you get a chance to twist the knife after you’ve stuck it to the other team.  Think T.O. or Ochocinco.  It isn’t enough that they score the touchdown.  No, they have to make sure the entire world knows that they were so sure they would score that they took the time to plan an elaborate post TD celebration.

Baseball rarely achieves quite the same heights (or depths) but a guy standing at the plate for just a couple seconds more than he needs to in order to follow the trajectory of the ball as it exits the field gets his point across just fine.  Even pitchers get notoriously wound up when they feel their mojo rising to the point that they start yelling, punching and shaking body parts.

A sport that sometimes gets neglected when it comes to discussions of celebrations, though, is the world’s game, soccer.  This isn’t to say that there aren’t celebrations, it’s just that they tend to be of a more spontaneous nature.  A player sneaks the ball in past the goalie and runs to the sideline to perform an impromptu dance before getting mobbed by the rest of the team.  It doesn’t look rehearsed and that spontaneity is refreshing.  Sometimes it’s nice to watch pure emotion run rampant.

But that doesn’t mean that soccer players haven’t developed their own well-choreographed celebrations.  For instance, even though their economy may be in shambles and their island blowing up around them, Icelanders sure can put on a good show:

Maybe they should hire these guys and their creativity to restructure the Icelandic banking sector.  They couldn’t mess it up much more than the previous architects.

Happy Friday!

-A

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