Results tagged ‘ Spring Training ’

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to 2011

derrick rose simeon.jpgAnd no, silly, this has nothing to do with Estonia joining the Eurozone, though I do admit, that Eurozone has a lot more going for it than just a snazzy name now that Estonia is in the mix!  Look out European Union, ‘cuz y’all haven’t seen oil shale til you’ve seen Estonia!

No, what I actually want to tell you about is something I am still rather reluctant to report: I’ve… I’ve been watching… basketball.

AGGGGHHHHH!

I know, I know, I know… I gave up on basketball back before Charles Barkley ate Jabba the Hutt and I never, EVER, had any regrets.  It’s an individual sport.  A natural obsession for those with ADHD.  An abomination of the thinking man’s game.

Yes, I still believe all of the above is true… but, it was a long, arduous baseball offseason for me and I got antsy and I was just begging for something — anything! — to get me to Spring Training and that’s when I saw…

I saw something… something special… something… MAGICAL.

His name is Derrick Rose.

Now I’m not going to go all John Kerry and flip-flop on y’all… but I am going to admit that I am willing to work with this here NBA thing a little bit longer.  Because while the Kobe Bryants and LeBron James and Chris Boshes of the world may leave a sour taste in the mouth of public opinion, Derrick Rose is not just a budding superstar beginning to dominate the entire league, but he is also (as far as I can tell) a genuinely nice guy. 

People like him.  He’s cool.  He’s just a kid having fun.

And I was at a game earlier this season where he did this:

I saw that and I just knew.  I just knew, this kid is gonna kill the competition.  And if you haven’t been paying attention to the NBA this year (again, I don’t blame if you haven’t), he is doing just that.  In fact, I liken his domination to that of Albert Pujols: when I watch him play, I feel like I am watching one of the greatest who ever lived.

Soon, real baseball games will begin and my full attention will be focused on the boys of summer; but I can honestly say, for the first time since the Clinton administration, I will definitely be checking in on the Bulls’ playoff progress.

Don’t hate me.  ‘Cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

PS, If you want to see three minutes and forty-four seconds more of Derrick Rose magic, check out this vid!

Y’Can’t Crush Dis

jeff and allen crush.jpgTwo years ago, in order to quell our insatiable desire for all-things baseball prior to Opening Day, my woebegone and oft curt colleague (Mr. Allen Krause) and I decided to get our baseball fill through glorious song.  Said gloriousness was achieved by lip-syncing “Crush” by David Archuleta. 

It was da bomb.

And it played a major role in making RSBS a household MLBlog name.

Everything was perfect…

UNTIL…

Sony had the video blocked.  About a year ago.  They claimed we shouldn’t be able to post the material because it was not our music.  We acknowledged that — DUH — but retorted that ours fell under parody law, that we made no claim that it was our song.  We gave credit where it was due and only asked that our interpretation of Archuleta’s hit be given a chance to thrive, because other baseball beserkers would find it consoling during the antsy prelude to the long season.

Somehow, the baseball gods were appeased.  And “Crush” is back online.*

For all of our dear readers — new, old, barely breathing — please, enjoy the show!

And don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Happy Friday!

Jeff

**Apparently, some folks outside the US may still have it blocked. So, uh… guess you better move to ‘Merica so you can see it.

Resetting Our Expectations

veronica_poop.jpgIn all the hype surrounding spring training we tend to forget one important thing.  It’s really freakin’ boring.  We want to love it because baseball is back after a long winter hibernation but when you’re dealing with split squads and guys trying to make the roster, it’s not exactly prime entertainment.  It’s like preseason football.  It gives you a taste of what’s to come but it just isn’t the real thing.

Unfortunately, life is filled with these types of things.  You really want something to be great and you really remember it being great but then it’s here and it kind of sucks.  Like summer.  You spend all winter wishing for the warmth of summer but by the time you’ve sweated through your tenth shirt of the day, you wonder why you ever wished for that.  Or you finally get a date with the girl who turned you down in middle school and when you make it in close enough to kiss her, you notice she has a mustache.  It’s just wrong.

But I’m here to tell you there’s no reason to despair.  Our long, national nightmare has just about come to an end.  Soon, real baseball will be played in real stadiums and when the Nationals are 30 games back at the All-Star break you will know that everything is as it should be.  Veronica up at the top, though, and her poop obsession?  Even I can’t spin that one.

-A

Credit:
-Photo via Skull Swap

No Words Necessary

You’re welcome.

Peace,

Jeff

How to Get Away While You’re Getting Away

In some ways Jeff and I are lucky men.  We both have the freedom that comes from being single although this also means we suffer its attendant sorrows.  For instance, on this Friday evening neither one of us will enjoy the delightful presence of a woman keeping us company.  And while this means that we are both free to watch as many spring training highlights as time will permit, it also means that the only whispers waking us up tomorrow morning will come from the TV we forgot to turn off.

The only real upside to this whole sad situation is that neither one of us will have any need of the following device in the near future.  Unless, perhaps, they install them in baseball stadiums so we can convince our bosses that we really are in the hospital donating a kidney.  Oops, gotta go.  Time for dialysis.

Happy Friday!

-A

Royals’ Intrasquad Games Best Chance to See a Royals WIN!

royals skull.jpgSometimes I worry that I beat the same tired joke into the ground, causing dear readers galore to groan, growl and grow weary of my tasteless ways.

And then I will run across a headline, like this one on MLB.com, and realize that all of my spew is actually rim-shot-worthy material just writing itself at tremendous speed.  The part I play is actually quite minuscule as I am merely an ebullient conduit for said spew.  Any negative repercussions are clearly someone else’s fault (I’m the oldest of seven kids, so I’m an expert at redirecting blame).

But to be perfectly clear, I do not want to be the Matt Drudge of Major League Baseball — one who takes simple news stories with rigid headlines and turns them into bits of sultry, one-sided crap by reconstructing their titles with right wing conservative Christian buzz words in large red font with quotation marks ad nauseum (this is also known as fear mongering).  If I may be trite, a news story is what it is.

And the Royals are what they are, with or without my chiding.

So let’s face it: the Royals are an abomination. They may not be on the exact level of abomination as the Pirates, but they are close behind.  Just look at the rosters for those two intrasquad teams mentioned in the linked article:

Team 1: Scott Podsednik, LF; Chris Getz, 2B; David DeJesus, RF;
Josh Fields, 3B; Rick Ankiel, CF; Alberto Callaspo, 2B; Wilson Betemit,
DH; Ernesto Mejia, 1B; Brayan Pena, C.

Team 2: Mitch Maier, LF; Jason Kendall, C; Billy Butler, 1B;
Jose Guillen, RF; Alex Gordon, 3B; Scott Thorman, DH; Mike Aviles, 2B;
Brian Anderson, CF; Yuniesky Betancourt, SS.

Now, tell me you aren’t laughing as hard as I am.

Was that a bit harsh?

I don’t know.  Isn’t it a bit harsh on the five or six fans left in Kansas City to know that their big offseason acquisitions include an old guy who used to run well, a walking concussion who can’t hit a breaking ball and another old guy who… well, okay, Jason Kendall might teach those kids something… but Wilson Betemit!?! WTF!?!?

All jokes aside, I can tell you this: there was a time when Royals baseball invoked fear in the minds of all opponents.  Nowadays the only thing invoked by the Kansas City Royals is a quick change of the channel.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

That’s What “Z” Said!

michael scott.jpgSpring training is underway, folks, and that means it’s time for a Chicago Cub to say something outlandishly stupid!

In 2007, Carlos Zambrano predicted the Cubs would win the World Series.

They did not.

In 2008, Ryan Dempster predicted the Cubs would win the World Series.

They did not.

In 2009, Milton Bradley predicted the Cubs would win the World Series.

They did not.

So who will it be this year?  Will it be cockfighter extraordinaire Aramis Ramirez?  How about Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Soto?  What about newcomer Marlon “Gee, I Hope the Bleacher Bums Don’t Give Me the” Byrd?  And what if everyone keeps their mouths shut?!?

Worry not, dear readers, for staff “ace” (I guess being fat, lazy and hot-headed constitutes as being an “ace” even if you only win nine games) Carlos Zambrano got a head start on the stupid train last September when he vowed he would retire after 2010 if he had yet another poor season.

Uh… yeah.  Okay.  And Alfonso Soriano can hit a breaking ball low and away. 

Something tells me that even if “Z” does have another poor season (and I sincerely hope he does), he still isn’t that stupid to leave a guaranteed $55 million on the table, to walk away from the game.
 
carlos zambrano crazy.jpgThen again, this is Carlos Zambrano we’re talking about. 

So hate me haters ‘cuz ya love to hate, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I”m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Tevye Can’t Touch THIS Tradition

tevye.jpgI know what you’re thinking, dear readers, and let me assure you: yes, indeed I did just make a Fiddler on the Roof reference.

BAM!

That’s because, as I write this, Major League pitchers and catchers are reporting to their respective training camps; and after a long, cold, hard winter of Brad Lidge, Milton Bradley and Kyle Farnsworth bashing, we can all finally relax knowing our hallowed game is springing back to life.

A year ago this week, my cynical and oft busy-body colleague Mr. Allen Krause, and I took to the streets of Chicago to proclaim our undying crush on the game of baseball.  Luckily for you there was a film crew following us, not to mention an ebullient David Archuleta, who lent us his tunes, to make a point.

And as we hope will be a long and prosperous tradition of ringing in the new baseball season, we (re)present to you the definitive RSBS tradition:

Hell yes, we love our baseball and no, we aren’t afraid to show it.

Now, aren’t ya glad I didn’t write that Evan Bayh piece I was workin’ on?

Nah. You can’t hate me today. ‘Cuz you know I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

RSBS TV: 2009 NL Central Preview

Produced, shot and edited by Atonal Studios.

Special thanks to Theo Roll.

Very
special thanks to Albert Pujols — the only man who can make Jeff wobble like a newborn calf.

(For best playback results, watch in High Quality)

RSBS TV: 2009 NL East Preview

Produced, shot and edited by Atonal Studios.

Special thanks to Theo Roll.

Very special thanks to Youppi, the vaguely effeminate mascot of the late great Montreal Expos for giving hope to French Canadians worldwide… okay, maybe not worldwide, but you get the idea.

(For best playback results, watch in High Quality)

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