Results tagged ‘ Stadiums ’

The Filibuster

What happened to the Twins?

Seth S.
Saint Paul, MN
__________________________

Ah, yes, the Minnesota Twins.  What did happen to those paragons of fundamentally sound baseball?  An analysis of such depth requires patience, dedication and an insatiable hunger for the truth, so I put the RSBS interns to the task and they have provided the following slide show:

2010

New ballpark! Yay! It’s…er… HUGE!

I CAN HAZ $184 MILLIONS!?!? IN EXCHANGE I’LL STOP HITTING HRs!

Ouch! Who turned out the lights?!?

DOH! DAMN THOSE DAMN YANKEES… AGAIN!!!

2011

Never fear! Tsuyoshi Nishioka is here!

And then… his leg is broken. Thanks for nothing, Nick Swisher! Damn you, damn Yankees!!!

And the rest of the Twins 2011 clubhouse… barely breathin’.

2012

Y U NO MOVE IN FENCES!?!? AGGH!!!

When will Justin’s ouchy-head be fixed? I need help, dammit!

Aaaaand this guy…

Nope, not even the healthy return of Morneau could make the pain of the above image go away.  In fact, 2012 sorta seems like a good time to reset everything.  Surprisingly, the Twins do have some decent offensive production (Mauer, Morneau, Willingham, Plouffe), but their pitching has been atrocious.  Like, Kent Hrbek farting in your face type of “atrocious”.  The average ERA of their six starters is over 5 and they have been blown out (lost by 5+ more runs) 23 times so far.  And the bullpen?  YIKES!  Don’t ask them to hold a lead ‘cuz it’ll be difficult!

Like old baseball men love to say, “You’re only as good as your pitching”, and, well, when your pitching resembles the bottom of a porta-potty and the rest of the team can’t stay healthy, awful is pretty much what ya get.  Don’t believe me?  Ask the perennial sCrUBS.

Hate me ‘cuz I made you look at that famous Mauer back hair guy again, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff (and interns)

Have a topic you want to see us Filibuster? Send us your Filibuster questions by emailing RSBSblog@gmail.com or by commenting below.

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 29: Remembering Ugueth’s Urbina and Other Stuff

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

Jeff tries his darnedest to be as polite as possible during his unfettered gloating of World Championship status (Go Cards!) while Second City’s Mark Piebenga adds some level-headed awesomeness to Johanna’s outlandishness and Allen’s seasoned straight man routine.  Among the topics of discussion are “the greatest game ever”, the woes of rebranding an already twice championed franchise (talkin’ to you, Marlins), Theo Fever in the Chi, b!tch t!ts and much, much more!

Now grab some Crown Royal and enjoy yo’ self!

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack. Follow Keith on on Twitter and make sure to check out his crew and their gut busting Undercast! podcast.

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Recorded Saturday, November 12, 2011

Mayor… Daley… Is… Outta Here!

mayor daley chicago.jpg
That’s right, dear readers.  The ginormously ugly head of the Chicago political machine is callin’ it quits.  He’s done.  Out. 

For good.

The last time Chicago saw such expeditious light, names like Doug Dascenzo and Danny Pascua anchored both sides of the Second City’s streets, while far across the globe, the Soviets were just gettin’ out of Afghanistan, after the United States ignited what would later turn into the biggest American tragedy of all time.

In other words, Mayor Daley’s been around a while.  Perhaps too long.  And we Chicagoans have gotten used to his turbulent tendencies.

So who in the heck is gonna replace him?!?

Don’t worry, folks.  The hardworking RSBS interns have put together a shortlist of candidates, all of whom come highly recommended:


mike quade.jpg
Mike Quade
Sure, a
month ago none of us knew who he was.  But having gone 9-4 in his first
13 games as the Cubs manager, let it be known that no Chicagoan has ever
done more with less than Mike Quade.  Believe that.

rod blagojevich.jpgRod Blagojevich
Let’s
see… He’s a democrat.  He’s a Chicago hardliner.  He’s abrasive. 
He’s on the take.  He’s got “friends” that wouldn’t flinch in breaking
your legs.  He primps for the camera.  He’s full of himself.  He dreams
bigger than he can act.  And he thinks the world revolves around him. 
If that’s all that’s required of the mayor of Chicago then someone give
this guy the key!

And… one final candidate to consider:

jeff with his catalogue.jpgMe!
Why not?  I live in Chicago.  I love Chicago.  Hell, I am Chicago (don’t believe me? Ask me to do my super fan
impression sometime).  Seriously, why wouldn’t I be a good candidate
for the job?  Because I love the Cardinals?  Because I might burn down
Wrigley Field?  So what, I support the Sox and I’d build a bigger,
better Wrigley (to house the Expos I plan to bring back once I get rid
of the sCrUBS).  Okay, so maybe I’m lying about all that — Hey, I’m a
liar! That qualifies me on its own! –  but I will say that I, too, hate
paying the highest sales tax in the country.  I, too, am tired of
reading gang and gun-related headlines.  Let’s make a change, people. 
Let’s get deep dish pizza in all the schools and make it mandatory that
baseball theory is taught to every kindergartner, before they find out about basketball or football.

Hate me ‘cuz you don’t believe that ‘yes, we can’… just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The Filibuster

Jeff!!!  I loved your pictures from Nats park and I’m psyched that you
got to see Strasburg.  I also saw that you’ve been to Sox park and
Wrigley recently.  What’s your favorite ballpark that you’ve already
visited and which place would you like to see the most?

Caitlin
Manassas, VA
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All Star Weekend 7.13.2009 068.jpgAfter a fiery, bloody internal debate that lasted well over an hour, I finally decided not to begin addressing this query by postulating what one would find if he/she were to actually venture to Manassas, VA… ‘cuz I’m pretty sure one can find Man-assas (a$$e$?) anywhere… including  ballparks all across US America.

ZING!

Still got it, folks.

Okay, maybe not.

But it doesn’t matter… and neither does the ballpark, Caitlin.  What matters is the game.  Sure Busch hosts my boys, Wrigley’s nostalgic, Nats Park has Ben’s Chili Bowl and Sox Park is a good place to pick up Latin Queens; but to be honest, I can find something positive about any and every ballpark I ever go to.  And I’ve been to many.

My favorite random ballpark story is the one about the Oakland Coliseum.  I happened to be in San Francisco on business.  It was a Saturday night and I had nothing to do, so I hopped on the BART to Oakland, walked up to the ticket counter at the Coliseum and said, “I got forty bucks. Where can I sit for that?”

“In a good seat, Honey.” said the kind ticket lady.

Ten minutes later I’m sitting behind homeplate on the first tier above ground level and I can hear Nick Swisher’s awful jokes with my own ears.  Ten minutes after that and I have a Fat Tire in my hand (at the ballpark!) and a few hours after that I was sufficiently drunk off the seductive elixir of the game itself.

And that can happen anywhere.

Though there is one place in particular that I just gotta go to, before it goes back to just hosting football games:

chewbacca at ballpark.jpgI doubt you can blame me.

Hate me ‘cuz you’re anti-Sith, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right. 

Peace,

Jeff

(Chewbacca image via 9GAG)

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 4: Finally, Allen’s Krause… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 5.jpg
Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

Dear readers galore FINALLY get to meet THE one, the ONLY, Mr. Allen Krause as he joins Jeff and Johanna to discuss all things urgent, all things necessary.  And it’s all made possible by science.  And hard work.  And Skype.  Judge for yourself.  Among the titillating
topics of discussion: Strasburg as Jesus, the difference between anathema and an enema (it’s important), starting a Pete Rose for US WBC Team Player/Manager petition on Facebook, Gallaraga’s thingy, the Lou Piniella Mailbag and much,
much more!

Holla!

-
– -

Subscribe
to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe

via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special

thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and
all-around sound guru.  His Undercast
podcast is the bomb shizzy, by the way.  It’s available on iTunes and
is posted regularly at Undercard
Films
.

Recorded Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Merry Stras-mas!!!

Jeff and Allen Strasburg game 3.jpgBeing the unfettered baseball junkies that we are, we left the RSBS keys with the interns and headed out to Nationals Park on Friday night.  We had to see Stephen Strasburg for ourselves.

And this is what we learned:

President Obama has balls… showing up in a Sox hat

Allen hates the wave

Fair-weather Nats fans are led by a massive group of IBM consultants who can’t keep their mouths shut during the game

Allen hates IBM consultants who can’t keep their mouths shut during the
game

Stephen Strasburg’s ears ARE that big

Chili Cheese Half Smokes from Ben’s Chili Bowl = Good.  The day AFTER Chili Cheese Half Smokes from Ben’s Chili Bowl = NOT so good.

Friday night games at Nats Park always end with a kick@ss fireworks show

Allen hates fireworks

Merry Stras-mas!!!

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 3: The Stat Zombie’s Death… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 2.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast…

Jeff and Johanna welcome a paragon of baseball intelligentsia, Mr. Paul Lebowitz — the one and only Prince of New York!  If you aren’t already reading the Prince’s daily column *here* or *here* then you probably should get on that.  Like, right away.  Or else.  And if that ain’t enough, you can certainly follow him on Twitter too.  To be honest, the man is too ruthless and too unfettered for you to not be paying attention to him… so the RSBS crew made sure to get him at his best.  Among the titillating
topics of discussion: Jason Bay’s UZR, men left on base (LOB), Keith Hernandez’s hunches, BRAINS!!!!… the Lou Piniella Mailbag and much, much more!

Holla!

-
– -

Subscribe
to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe

via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special

thanks to Keith Carmack — our engineer, director, editor and
all-around sound guru.  His Undercast podcast is the bomb shizzy, by the way.  It’s available on iTunes and is posted regularly at Undercard Films.

**Image by Annette T.  (Thanks, Annette!)  Check out her sweet@ss blog!

Recorded Saturday , June 12, 2010

The Desire to Score

jeff scoring a game.jpgWhite, black, awake, asleep, hungry, full… doesn’t matter… if you are a man and you have a heartbeat you exist to do one thing and one thing only:

Score.

As no exception to this eons-old rite of passion, I couldn’t stand the drought any longer, and on Wednesday night I ventured on over to my neighborhood cathedral: the ever tantalizing, the ever teasing, the ever titillating Sox Park.

I scored like no man has ever scored before.

Scorecards tell stories — great, fantastic stories that can be pieced together with digits and asterisks and squiggly lines.  Each one is unique — each scorer different from the next, yet universally similar enough to enlighten anyone else willing to read them.

When I was a kid I found scorecards from the ’60s an uncle of mine had kept.  There I was, decades later, in a dark basement in the dead of winter, recreating the majesty of Ken Boyer and Bob Gibson and Tim McCarver on a hot July afternoon… in my head.

So go ahead, take a gander… and try not to drool (click image to enlarge):

5.5.2010 Sox Scorecard.jpgAhhh… yes… I feel so much better now.

Hate me ‘cuz you’re allowed to, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

“Elton John In Concert at Dodger Stadium”

elton john in concert at dodger stadium.jpg

Sometimes ya just run in to somethin’ and have no choice but to say:

WOW.

Hate me ‘cuz I made you look at that, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Happy Friday!

Jeff

(Image via Skull Swap)

How Can We Make Wrigley Field Even UGLIER?

Oh, I know… cover the Clark and Addison entrance with a giant picture of Lou Piniella’s distended belly.

wrigley field new front.jpgLook, everyone knows Wrigley Field is a dump.  But everyone also knows it’s a dump we all love.  Even I can admit to that.

It’s historic.  It’s sentimental.  It’s old timey.

Where else can you pay ten times the market price for a 20 ounce can of Old Style?  Where else can you gather around a trough with a hundred other men and urinate in drunken unison?  Where else can you go to hear D-list celebrities butcher a classic song by singing out of tune?

Only at Wrigley Field.

I was p!ssed when they added the Bud Light Bleachers (bleacher tickets should not be $44 a piece, people)… I was p!ssed when they added the Captain Morgan Club… and with the addition of these gaudy action portraits, I am beyond p!ssed at the team I love to hate.

People like Wrigley because it’s authentic.  It’s classic.  It’s historic. 

And because the Cubs lose there.

But slowly, as they add an advertisement here, a sports bar there and a fully functioning urinal there, Wrigley Field is slowly becoming just like every place else…

Not Wrigley Field.

So don’t hate me… ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

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