Results tagged ‘ Tony LaRussa ’

Why Must the Cardinals Make My Life Miserable?

I can’t eat.

I can’t sleep.

I can’t find a date.

Thank you, St. Louis Cardinals.

kyle_lohse.jpgI went to bed last night thinking: So we blew it.  So what.  Tomorrow will be fine.  Lohse is on the mound.  We’ll be fine.  Really.  It’s all good.  The man is Lazarus.

And he was — just fine, raised from the dead and all — until he was left in a little too long and he started to show weakness: a crumbling arm.  And Tony, with little else to fall back on, because Mozeliak won’t make a deal for some relief, left him in.

And all hell broke loose.

I, as a St. Louis Cardinal fan and devoted US American, refuse to accept this surface steaming idealogical concept that we can survive on our own, without making a deal.  We’re up against the free-spending Cubs and Brewers!  Get your act together, Mr. Mozeliak!  You’re looking a lot like sit-on-my-^ss-while-I-read-a-story-book-GW Bush during the greatest tragedy of our time!

a-rod smirk.jpgI wrote an editorial on my dissatisfaction with the Cardinals’ front office and submitted it to the New York Times; however, they rejected it on the basis that it wasn’t controversial enough — not enough T&A — and it had nothing to do with the Yankees, the Mets, A-Rod nor Madonna.

So much for being the world leader in print news, New York Times.  For that I offer you a great big RSBS “EAT IT!”

And no, you may not hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

Stars Align

buddha_stars.jpgIt happens.  Not very often, but when it does, it’s Pure-land Buddha bliss or 净土宗 as I like to say; and when it is, I get a great big… smile.  On my face.  It’s true.

On this one single night the Cardinals won (against a Tiger team that looks like *this*), the Cubs lost (at Wrigley!) and the Sox won (in L.A.!).  Not only that, but the bus came right as I arrived at the bus stop this morning, my inbox was free from hate mail all day, I had gongbao jiding for lunch, Obama showed improvement in overall US American support and Bill O’Reilly was banned from ever opening his mouth again.

Okay.  That last thing isn’t true — but the rest is.

So before I go too far and screw up the stars’ alignment, I will do something that has never been done before in the entire history of RSBS: just this once, I will rest my case… and take a moment to reflect on the almighty Amituofo name.  Because after all, the Buddha is the one responsible for the Cardinals’ and Sox’s success so far this season… the Buddha is also responsible for the brainy combo of LaRussa/Duncan, Lazarus reincarnated as Alexei Ramirez and that pesky little goat that will bring the Cub faithful to their knees in agony… again

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.  This time, I got the inside edge.

Peace & 南無阿彌陀佛,

Jeffy

The Filibuster

“The player’s union is upset because no team is willing to give Barry Bonds a
contract. Does Barry deserve another chance and which team is in a desperate enough
position to give him that opportunity?”

– Allen

“P.S. Don’t say Detroit because we both know that ain’t gonna’ happen.”

                                                                                        

It is May and poor Barry Bonds doesn’t have a job.  Gee, I feel real sorry for the guy.  Must be hard being unemployed, trying to provide for a family while under immense scrutiny from the law for being, quite frankly, a terrible person.

Luckily for him, not all is lost in Barry’s World, because as I mentioned before, he will most likely be employed by some team sometime this year — probably closer to July or August.  Though I predicted the only team with the hutzpah to sign him was the Evil Empire, I now believe there may be others more “desperate” to do so.  More on that in a moment.

First I want to dispel any notion that the current Barry situation has any link to an MLB brass conspiracy of collusion.  I understand that the Players’ Union has no choice but to investigate the possibility of collusion, but believe me, this does not even come close to comparing with the Kik Gibson, Jack Morris, Paul Molitor cases of the ’80s where teams were absolutely in the wrong, colluding out of greed and oneupmanship to teach those players a “lesson”.  Barry Bonds comes with serious baggage and that baggage could mean less dollars for whatever team takes him on.  As is usually the case, this is about money and money only.  No team wants to risk losing revenue or being identified by the dark cloud that is number 25.  At least, not just yet.

barry_bonds.jpgBut the time will come later this summer when that risk may pay out for teams such as the Yankees, Blue Jays, A’s, Rays and yes, maybe even the Tigers.  Out of all of those teams, I find the team who could use him the most right now would be the ginormously underachieving Tigers.  Of course, by August they may already find themselves mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, so I can see how the further along we get in the season, the less likely such a signing will occur.  But after that dastardly start and their current slump where they’ve lost seven of their last ten, if the Tigers were going to do it, they better do it now.  Why Mr. Krause would say something as bold as “Don’t say Detroit because we both know that ain’t gonna happen,” is quite beyond me.  If someone would’ve said the Tigers would sign Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis in the offseason I would’ve laughed it off as being nuts.  After they did, if someone would’ve said the Tigers would be in the basement of the AL Central, I would’ve laughed it off as being completely nuts.  Bottom line: the Tigers don’t make any sense right now so why would I ever expect them to make sense at all, ever?

For other American League teams, Barry’s swaggering forehead might be something they can look past if he can still produce 20 homers, a gajillion walks and a high on-base-percentage.  All signs point to that still being a possibility, so I look for teams with playoff potential to give Jeff Borris a ring as we get closer to really seeing what teams are in the playoff picture. 

At this point, I’d say there’s really no way he’ll be in a National League uniform ever again.  The closest he got was when Tony LaRussa expressed interest towards the end of spring training in signing Bonds to help protect Pujols.  Of course, at that time, TLR didn’t know that the likes of Ankiel, Ludwick and even Glaus would perform as adequately as they have.  Despite TLR’s explanation of why a Bonds signing would be beneficial for the team and their chances in the Central, the story caused a near revolt of fans towards management and just as quickly the possibility extinguished before it ever had a chance of happening. 

It’s probably better for everyone that Bonds stay out of the NL — he’s tainted it enough and it’s time he leave it alone.  Though once a graceful athlete in the outfield, the last several years have exposed Bonds’ nonchalant patrol as embarrassing and sad.  His defense was quite the symbol of his entire attitude towards the game in general: why should I care?

Which is exactly how I feel about the Barry Bonds situation as it stands now.  I feel dirty writing this because I’m wasting precious time on the topic when I could be talking about other things like: How ’bout ‘dem Redbirds!

Barry has been a stain on the game, on his teammates and now Barry is a stain on this blog.  I blame Allen Krause.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

I Have a Dirtly Little Secret Too

Edward_Brooke.jpgYesterday Barbara Walters came out and admitted to having a long-time affair with former U.S. Senator Edward Brooke.  It only took her 30 years to disclose, which makes the story that less exciting, but hey, she had a reputation to uphold.  Now that no one cares about her anymore, I see her confession as a very smart move.  There is no such thing as bad press…

paulette_daly.jpgUnless you’re Roger Clemens.  As if using performance-enhancing drugs to get an edge and then lying to a federal grand jury wasn’t enough, it has now become known that Clemens probably had a predatory affair with a 15-year-old girl.  But wait, there’s more: infamous golfer John Daly’s ex-wife, Paulette, is now accused of have having an affair with Roger too!  Yikes!  Drunks, cheaters and hot-heads, boy, that Paulette sure knows how to pick ‘em!  Coincidentally, my mother called me this afternoon to report that she too had an affair with Roger Clemens; but she was quick to point out that she ended the relationship shortly after he said “Your son throws like a girl.  Let’s shoot him up.”

Thanks, Mom.

So all this truth-telling has moved me to disclose my dirty little secret too.  I’m not proud of it; but it’s time to come clean.  A few years ago, when I was at very low point in my life, I had a promiscuous relationship with a mouse.  Yes, a mouse.  We had a love child, and though I haven’t seen him since he was born, I keep track of all of his accomplishments through the newspaper.  Here’s the only picture I have of him.  No matter what distance is between us, I will always love him.  He’s so cute.  I think he has my ear.

mouse_with_ear_on_back.jpg

And if this isn’t enough honest drama for you, the Cardinals v. Cubs series kicks off tonight.  Though the managerial matchup of LaRussa v. Piniella is not as fiery and bound for mischief as LaRussa v. Baker, remember, LaRussa and Piniella have some history too.  Who doesn’t remember the 1990 World Series?

Oh.  No one remembers it.  That’s right.

Nevermind.

In any case, the Cards win this series AND the respect of ESPN.  Okay, maybe only the first part is true, but you know what I mean.

Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

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