Results tagged ‘ Trapdoor Spider ’

Corporate Cranks

bankrupt.jpgIt’s not a good day to be a Lehman Brothers shareholder nor the manager of the Milwaukee Brewers.  You know it and I know it: these headlines are certainly not good for we average US American joes trying to scrape by in an ever-fleecing state of economic emergency.  The DOW fell over 500 points which doesn’t bode well for my retirement funds (at this rate I’ll be able to retire after fifty years of being dead!) and the firing of Ned Yost means that the Brewers are playing badly enough to warrant a major change in the clubhouse — a solidly blaring sign that the Cubs got this one in the bag. 

Great.  Just great.

Target logo.jpgThumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Target logo.jpgBut hey, guess what!  Not all is bad in the world of corporate cranks!  The Minnesota Twins, today, announced the name of their new ballpark scheduled to open in 2010.  Target Field!  Yes!  I’m just so… so elated that I can… I can hardly stand it!  I’m sooooo glad that Target got the naming rights.  I was hoping a big box corporation that exploits its employees to work for minimum wage and frowns upon engaging in talks with union organizers would get that precious opportunity to spread its grimy message of “exploit, exploit, exploit!”  Enough of these big banks and cell phone moguls getting all the attention. 

Target logo.jpgJoin me in saying: To hell with that!

Target logo.jpgYes, dear readers, we have the real deal with Target Field.  I know.  I know what you’re thinking.  Target Field.  Sounds kind of like Tiger Stadium, which is remembered as an abomination of a ballpark that reeked of urine, beer and stale hot dog buns.  I know.  But don’t worry.  I’m positive that Target will do all it can to ensure that its employees won’t be able to afford actually going to a game, so there should be no worries regarding those dreaded undesirables.

Thumbnail image for Target logo.jpgHm.  Just feels good, doesn’t it?  I like nothing more than to be a forgotten cog in the wheel of a greedy, predatory economy.  Makes me feel… oh, I don’t know… it makes me feel…

alive.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

**This post has been graciously brought to you by Target.  Target: We’re Not Wal-Mart.

The Trappings of Conformity

I understand that in today’s world there is surmounting pressure to dumb one’s self down in order to gain acceptance — to fit in, to be liked.  Satisfaction can be had by the simple click of a mouse; children’s role models come in cute, skinny Paris Hilton and Justin Timberlake packages; department stores offer “free gifts with purchase”, knowing that people are just begging to be duped.

I am not one of those people.

Of course, the backlash can be unsettling, but I remain steadfast in my intelligence despite the ever-growing pressures of modern society.  I do my homework.  I know I’m right.  I am in touch with the people even if that means being smarter than theyare.

Allen Krause, on the other hand, intelligent as he is on paper, fails to overcome the pitfalls of conformity and it has never been more evident than in his last two posts: The Filibuster, 67 Years…and Counting.

I refuse to waste any more time correcting the flawed logical processes of my opponent on the magnitude of hitting .400.  I also refuse to delve any further into whether or not today’s players are more prepared than they were 60 years ago due to advancements in technology, scouting, preparation.  The bottom line is, I was right the first time, and I still am.

However, there are two major issues I must address here because US Americans deserve to know the Truth and shouldn’t be subjected to the wreckless writings of a man so out of touch with reality and so out of touch with the people’s needs rather than the people’s wants that he is willing to lead conforming masses down Blasphemy Road

Mr. Krause wrote:

“…Barry Bonds was usually stuck out in right field.”

No, sir.  Barry Bonds played left field.  Any one who doesn’t know that automatically loses all credibility and doesn’t deserve to have a voice.

Mr. Krause also wrote:

“Willie Mays’ basket catch is replicated on a daily basis by minor leaguers all over the country.”

Oh, really?  Is that so, Mr. Krause? 

Do me a favor.  Sit down, take that tin foil off your head, remove the mainlining needle from your arm and come back to Earth, pal.

Replicated on a daily basis?  That is the absolute dumbest thing I have ever heard you say and you’ve said a lot of dumb things.  Obviously, you know nothing about one of the greatest baseball moments of all time: Willie Mays and The Catch.  And I guarantee you that this play is NOT “replicated on a daily basis by minor leaguers all over the country”.  If it was, the so-called players making these so-called plays would be so-called Major Leaguers.  Your statement, Mr. Krause, cancels itself out, double-talk, double-talk.

The_Catch.jpgFor the record, what made Mays’ catch The Catch wasn’t exactly the act of making an over-the-shoulder basket play on the ball, extraordinary as that was.  What made it so spectacular, according to those in attendance, was the fact that Willie was playing a very shallow center field in the extremely spacious Polo Grounds of New York when Vic Wertz connected on a bomb blast.  It would have been a home run in today’s ballparks — and it was evident right off the bat that the ball was going to soar over an unsuspecting Mays.

Except Willie Mays had crazy speed.

He broke, he ran and he ran and he ran and he looked up, turned around, put out his glove, caught it, whirled around, fired to second, and his hat fell off.

That was The Catch.  A ball that no one else in the world would’ve had a chance to catch.  Mays caught it.

Shame on you, Allen Krause, for attempting to steal the thunder from perhaps the greatest baseball player of all time.  Shame on you.

In all honesty, I do feel sorry for you, Mr. Krause.  It must hurt to know you’re just another victim of the trappings of conformity.  It must hurt to be but just a tiny grub in the food chain of a menacing Trapdoor Spider.  I can’t imagine what that must feel like — but I’m sure it ain’t good ‘cuz I’ve seen the footage (*note, the good part is at the end):

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