Results tagged ‘ Ty Cobb ’

Ninemen’s Morris: A ‘Nap’-Man rises to defend his Chief! Joy in Lajoie, and all-aboard Taft’s Raft!

alabaster eastman thune.jpg

Nitwittery! 


You,
sir, have undone your intellectual suspenders and dropped your common
sense trow to reveal a posterior so pock-marked with mind-munge, it
almost goes so far as to not even warrant a rebuttal, but rather a
pity-whistle played on Lazarus’ last gummed-up flute!!!

 

How dare you, sir, speak so ill of the President?  And
how dare you, sir, compound your heresy with a trumpeting of some
apparent virtue found in the Christ-abandoned dung-ball indulged by one
Ty Cobb?

 

First — to speak to your treason ‘gainst this fair nation, this journalist
need only offer his own recently penned exercise in pith:

 

“Clean plate, cleaner conscience! Surplus of pounds, Surplus of President!”

 

You harangue our dear leader because of his weight, calling him similarly soft on foreign policy.  While
there is no denying that the aforementioned Taft’s Raft better be
well-built, such ballyhoo and whatnot attacking the man’s actions in
relation to lands beyond the hallowed borders of this nation resolve to
cockamamie in the ears of the simplest of troglodytes!  Here is one very simple counterexample to your nonsense:

 

The man bought the Philippines.

 

philippines.jpg

For
those dear readers who aren’t familiar with this delightful land, the
Philippines are a mystical chain of islands situated abroad, in the
giving waters of the South Pacific Sea.  These islands are known for their cash crops and their sanctimony.  Holiness runs rampant, as evidenced by their previous owners, the Roman Catholic Church.  I have heard nothing but pleasurable reviews of a local vegetable, the “bananalla,” which I have yet to enjoy for myself.

 

Taft
negotiated the purchase of this land from Pope Leo XIII (please hush
the nonagenarian barbs… obviously old age contributed to his lopsided
dealings), and served as governor of the land for a year by three.  How
serves you that for foreign policy!!! This new acquisition serves to
establish our nation as a stern presence in Asia’s left underarm,
virtually guaranteeing that no surprise threat is ever imposed upon us
by any nearby nation (a bite of the thumb to you, Japan!).

 

(It should be noted that the bananalla is a fattening food.  Perhaps that explains our captain’s rounded countenance?)

 

Point being made, on to our beloved game…

 

Cobb?

 

Has the liquor done its wilting?

 

You speak poison with forked tongue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Using
Cobb as any sort of exemplary model for any sort of proverbial
‘job-well-done’ speaks to not only a general misunderstanding of
competence, but also a general disregard for the plight of man!!!

 

Cobb is a beast.  A walking ape who lost his fur, a salamander grown too big for his swamp.  He
struts about puffing his chest, intimidating all those who crossed his
crooked path with the threat of a spike or, worse yet, a studded
knuckle to temple.  But ultimately… what is the threat?  The Tigers have failed to capitalize on his gaudy numbers, and in the end… what are we really playing for here?  To trumpet Cobb is to trumpet ungracious loss.

 

The ‘Georgia Peach’ say you?  I
prefer to call him the ‘Georgia Thief,’ for the taking of unwarranted
bases is, in this journalist’s opinion, ball-play that isn’t becoming
of even the most common of gentlemen.

 

And so, dear reader, let me turn your attention elsewhere.  Perhaps to an old standby?  Perhaps to a man who plays the shared agreement between two opposing groups of like-minds with a modicum of class?

 

nap lajoie.jpg

Napoleon ‘Nap’ Lajoie. 

 

Connie
Mack’s pride has displayed numbers that make dear Cobb’s corn hop back
onto the stalk, and his demeanor has been that of a dandy sans
foppishness.  His swing reminds me of my first-born’s
first words — a pleasure to watch and even better to hear, and his play
about the infield is the equivalent of your Cobb.  Throw
in a lollipop for the gilded statesman’s son down in box two, and we
have ourselves the wood-wielder of, by and for the people.

 

Dare I suggest that a gamesman’s rivalry is afoot?

 

The ball is in your general vicinity, ne’er-do-well.

 

PS.  Wagner?  We are in agreement.  The man is weak about the knees, and he looks about with the shiftiest of eyes.

- – -

Written by

‘Alabaster’ Eastman Thune
Former editor of the “Follies and Whatnots” section of the Chicago Inter-Ocean. 



Currently unemployed.

“Alabaster” is known for coining the popular quip:  “An Irishman and
his whiskey are like the Father Sky and his Sun – you are guaranteed
that the latter will show up in the former each day of God’s blessed
week.”

For more on the nature of Ninemen’s Morris, please click *HERE*


Ninemen’s Morris: New column enlivens politico-diatribe with concurrent Base-ball imbroglios!

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To begin, a warm welcome, reader, you of discerning taste
and eye, to the maiden voyage of Ninemen’s Morris, a clear voice rising
above the innumerable newsman’s clanging gongs. 
Here you shall encounter cogent commentary on the politic of the day,
juxtaposed with tantalizing tid-bits from this season in the national
past-time.  In our first column, we turn
our attention to a crucial topic: this first year of a fledgling
presidency. 

 

What is this brand of nouveau dandyism practiced by the
current administration?  The cloying
pretense of free trade and thinly-veiled cronyism only further illustrates
their disconnectitude from the American main. 
I cannot abide his minced words and Nancy-boy intellectual caterwauling.  In a fearful harbinger, in June it was this
johnny-come-lately’s duty to throw out the first pitch for a clash of titans at
Griffiths Park.  Our gastropod of a new
president was seen to fling the sphere short of home plate by many a yard, all
the more length his atrophied limb would aspire! 

 

Taft First Pitch.jpg

This is the leader of our fair republic?  Please! 
A finer metaphor for his soft-lipped foreign policy and his craven
crumbling in the crucible of overseas conflicts I could not conceive.  Endure this so-called Dollar Diplomacy?  I would sooner have my shins sluiced by the
sharpened spikes of the Georgia Peach, Tyrus Cobb!

 

On the diamond, an historic battle is shaping up clearly in
this season, a pas-de-deux between the elegiac behemoth, Johanus Wagner, and
that aforementioned centerfield hit-smith. 
The Detroit man’s vitriol is well known (to quote one sporting
columnist, “he would climb a mountain to punch an echo.”)  It may well be that the echo in greatest need
of punching is that crafty and classical shortstop from Pittsburg.  A study in contrasts, these two men play in
styles so differing they could be two separate sports. 

 

Roosevelt Taft Cartoon.jpg

An equal contrast comes current in the governance of our new
president, as opposed to his predecessor. 
Where Roosevelt was a man of action, and given to a spiking style (does
his big stick not slightly resemble Ty Cobb’s Louisville Slugger?), Taft is a
soft, gentlemanly sort, of a disposition more to demure than vociferate.  Already his rhetoric against the Trusts
brings to mind the gentle way of the Dutchman Honus Wagner, a man far more
likely to even the playing field with a kind word than to spike the unwary
second baseman’s leg on a steal.  (Though
on pace to steal over 700 bases in his career he may well be, I query still,
where the teeth?!  Where the threat?!)

 

As we tread unwillingly into the end of our summertime, and
the autumnal pennant race begins its inexorable warm-up, we shall watch with
interest the progress of these titans, 
and pray for as hardy a disposition in the capital.  Though he spoke of his profession, it could
just as easily be the office of the president that Cobb referenced when heard
to say, “it is a grown up game for grown up men.  It is no pink tea.  Mollycoddles better stay out.” 

 

Hear you that, elephantine executive?!

- – -

Written by
Silas ‘Red’ Quigley
Editorial correspondent for the Boston Wax-Intelligencer.  Editor/Publisher of various workers rights
publications, sporting weeklies, and Ladies Garment Journals.  As a youth he was attache to Henry Chadwick (claims to be the
uncredited co-creator of the box score).

For more on the nature of Ninemen’s Morris, please click *HERE*

The Filibuster

Players across the sports spectrum seem to be feeling their oats the
past couple weeks. The Lakers-Rockets NBA series has turned into a
brawl and baseball has seen several ejections and suspensions handed
down over the last several days. Are we seeing the effects of over (or
under) officiating or are players really more on edge these days?

–Allen
__________________________________________

ryan_ventura.jpgMy unwieldy colleague and line straddling co-author, Mr. Krause, the spin-doctor extraordinaire, has done it again, folks.  Surprise, surprise.  He just doesn’t get it.

Suspensions, brawls, warnings, headhunters, beanballs, ejections… these are all integral tenets of the sports we love.  Without them, the stakes would be as dramatic as an afternoon pinochle tournament at your local retirement home (and even those can turn violent without  proper supervision).

Personally, I could care less about what the Los Angeles Lakers of Los Angeles are fighting about with the Houston Rockets (those are basketball teams, right?).  But perennial crybaby and major league fire-starter Milton Bradley?  Foot-in-mouth Bobby Jenks?  Two-packs-a-day Jimmy Leyland?

Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!

Indeed, the cast of characters may change from year to year, but the subtle game of intimidating your opponent and firing up your team with guts, fists and butt-busting fastballs hasn’t.  Ty Cobb anyone?

No matter what the era, baseball players have always found a harmonious balance of edge and competitiveness.  When your livelihood is on the line, you bet you’re gonna go out and stand up for yourself.  Those who don’t… well, they end up like Mr. Krause, pushing pencils and checking email forty times a day.

Now I don’t propose an increase to the level of violence on the field; but hell, don’t peel it back.  I need that respite of poorly timed right hooks (see Shields v. Crisp, 2008), knee-buckling vengeance (see Bradley v. The World, 2007) and knuckles-to-skull contact (see Ryan v. Ventura, 1993).  Anyone who says he/she doesn’t is a liar.

Baseball does not suffer from under or over officiating.  It’s doing just fine the way it is.  Fights, ejections, suspensions… they’re all just a part of the game.  When it becomes bedlam…

… well, then we might have to reevaluate.

Until then, just keep on hating me.  But don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

***SEND US YOUR FILIBUSTERS****

Something on your mind?  Want to see Jeff and Al sweat (separately, not together, eww)?  Think you got a real stumper?  Send us your Filibuster question(s) by commenting or emailing them to us at kraulung@gmail.com. 

***Pictures of hot chicks also welcome.

Racism’s Rainbow

ty_cobb.jpgTy Cobb could not play baseball today. Oh, maybe he had the skills and the guts to succeed but you wouldn’t find him in the majors. There’s one simple reason for this. Bigtime sports depend on marketing and it’s really hard to market a racist ^sshole. Just look at John Rocker. Say the wrong thing to the wrong person and soon enough you’re signing baseball cards at convention centers instead of trotting in from the bullpen.

Now, it hasn’t always been this way and the fact that a guy like Ty Cobb is in the Hall of Fame shows that sometimes those lesser angels of our nature don’t disqualify you from everything in life. But in the last few years, as baseball and other sports have become more dependent on the revenue generated by the family friendly aspects of the game, it has become rarer and rarer to see someone go off and really call it like they see it. That’s why I want to remind us all of some of the more glaring instances in a segment I like to call: Holy Sh!t! Did he really just say that?

Gary Sheffield:
sheffield.jpgI begin with my hometown Tigers and an homage to our recently departed designated hitter. Now, Sheff has been a fount of inspired insanity over the years and everyone knows about his comments regarding Latino players. He also famously said that Derek Jeter wasn’t “All the way black.” But the genius of Sheff can only truly be summed up in his response to a question about fathering two children before he was old enough to vote: “That was part of my plan. I didn’t want to be the typical athlete who’s single all his career.” Sheff shows that racism comes in a rainbow of colors.

John Rocker:
Rocker_Alicia.jpgQuite possibly the biggest homophobe and xenophobe to emerge from baseball since Ty Cobb, Rocker once remarked, “The biggest thing I don’t like about New York are the
foreigners … You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not
hear anybody speaking English
.”
Even his annual apologies provided nonstop fun. Only Rocker could manage to understate the severity of a situation by starting out “My comments concerning persons afflicted with AIDS as
well as various minority groups have left people wondering if I am a
racist.” However, he also manages to retain the power to confound his critics and proved it once again by taking up with the beautiful Alicia. You stay classy, John Rocker!

Norm MacDonald:
However, nothing quite tops this video of Norm Coleman hosting the Espy’s a decade ago. Do yourself a favor. Even if you can’t quite sit through the entire eight and a half minutes, fast forward to the 7:53 minute mark and prepare to be amazed by the absolute sadistic ruthlessness with which he builds up Charles Woodson and then cuts him off at the ankles. It ain’t pretty but it gets him a spot on RSBS:

Happy Saturday!

-A

Pay-Rod: MSNBC’s Liberal Use of Famed MLB Moniker Proven Inaccurate

rod blagjojevich.jpgMSNBC’s Hardball with Chris Matthews led off its December 15th
broadcast with the teaser line “Pay-Rod” next to a photo of a
disgruntled, egomaniacal Rod Blagojevich — a clear shot at the
shortcomings of Blago’s esurient character aimed to compare him to
Yankees superstar Alex Rodriguez.  The joke here is obvious: pay to play.  But MSNBC got this baseball-politico comparison wrong and as the de facto authority on such surreptitious simile, allow me to tell you why:

alex rodriguez.jpgCall him greedy, call him seedy, call him needy: A-Rod (aka “Pay-Rod”) still produces results (*post-season not included in this study).

He
demands and receives big money because he is arguably the best player
out there; simple supply-and-demand economics only follow suit. 

Blago,
however, does not.  His record low approval rating (even prior to
Patrick Fitzgerald’s accusations) rivaled only that of our Dear Leader
Bush.  His refusal to live in Springfield has long angered tax-payers
and politicians alike.  His swashbuckling appropriations of state funds
caused him to be a Chicago Tribune target.  And let’s face it: his
hairdo sucks.

But the most appalling of all Blago character traits is his cocky swagger, his self-righteous talking points, his relentless refusal to come clean — to face the Federal music and tell the public what exactly is/has been going on.

In other words…

Rod Blagojevich is the Barry Bonds of politics.

Just as…

Marion Barry
is the Josh Hamilton…. and…

David Duke is the Ty Cobb… and…

Barney Frank is the Billy Bean

If we’re going to throw out catchy baseball player references in
relation to controversial politicians, MSNBC, let’s make sure they’re
accurate, shall we?

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

No-Brainers Made Complicated: Now It’s the ‘Norm

mark mcgwire celebration.jpgI’m sorry, but did the National Bureau of Economic Research just inform me and myriad dear readers, that indeed the United States of America’s economy is in a (daresay) recession?

Duh!

I beg your pardon, but did our Dear Leader, in an interview with ABC’s Charlie Gibson, admit his own incompetency by saying “I think I was unprepared for war”?

Doh!

As if the mass exodus of once-successful business owners to the overcrowded unemployment line in my Southside Chicago neighborhood wasn’t reason enough to believe.  As if the tense gazes of disgust from world leaders and record low approval rating during Bush II wasn’t enough reason to believe.  Well, folks, believe it; and believe that the spindoctors are just going to keep getting more and more convoluted as they assume we US Americans are as dumb as they are obvious.

Because apparently, the new status quo put forth by those in power has regressed to that of an unnecessary complication of issues that should otherwise be clear as day.

This has never been more true as we go into the third year of Mark McGwire Hall of Fame eligibility, where once again, I predict the baseball writers will find it in themselves to be a group of holier-than-thou judgmental jack^sses who consistently confuse clarity with integrity.

Did McGwire use performance enhancing drugs?  Maybe.  Probably.  We don’t know for sure and we never will.

Did McGwire’s awkward Capitol Hill exchange further damage his image and cause us to question his character?  Yes.  Definitely.

Should it matter when considering him for the Hall of Fame?

Hell no.

Hands down, Mark McGwire should have been a first-time ballot Hall of Famer.  His numbers, his performance, his legacy and the positive impact he had on the game alone should have put him in on the first try. 

While I dare not minimize the damaging stain PEDs have left on the game of baseball as well as the youth of our nation, I still believe in the democratic principle of one being “innocent until proven guilty” and until someone proves that McGwire broke the rules, he deserves to be remembered as a Hall of Famer.

Jim Rice, Bert Blyleven, Andre Dawson… sure, waffle on those guys.  They deserve to be waffled on a bit because they’re not stand-out no-brainer players.  But McGwire?  Give me a break.  Give him a break.

And beware, for Barry Bonds will soon be in line for the same retrospection.  Look, as much as I dislike the man as a human being, I cannot conceive a Hall of Fame without Barry Bonds’ plaque.  Baseball writers, your job is not to teach lessons to suspected bad boys.  Your job is to reward players for having Hall of Fame careers despite their antics — whatever and as displeasing as they may be.  Remember, Ty Cobb, arguably one of the most disgustingly erratic, singly detrimental members of the entire human race, is rightfully in the Hall of Fame.

Get over yourselves, writers.  You’re not judges.  You’re not the police.  You’re not God(s).

Do the right thing and put Mark McGwire in the Hall of Fame.  And while you’re doing that, prepare for the barrage of suspect PED users, headlined by one Barry Bonds, who will soon be eligible for HOF consideration.

The world will be watching and I will be quick to slander. 

So yeah, go ahead and hate me; I only ask that you don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

Oh, It’s Got to be About Job Creation, Too

It’s Friday and I’m feeling kind of lazy but I wanted to point out that the Latest Leaders are out and you’ve even managed to humble Jeff by keeping us #1 among the fan blogs. I’m not exactly sure why you keep coming back but I’m assuming it has something to do with us bringing you things like this:

Wait a minute. Is it just me or is that Miss Teen South Carolina running for Vice President of the United States? It’s almost like someone took the intellect of Ricky Henderson and mixed it with the temperament of Ty Cobb. It’s like….it’s like…..well, I guess it’s kind of like this:

http://www.thedailyshow.com/sitewide/video_player/view/default/swf.jhtml

Oh Jeebus, we’re all gonna’ die.

-A

Blame It On the Booze

Yes, dear readers, our venerable GW Bush came out yesterday and enlightened us with what has really been going on with the continuously slumping economy.  Folks, it had nothing to do with poor management at home, questionable foreign policies nor an ever widening gap between Red and Blue US American ideologies.  No. 

“Wall Street got drunk.”
                       – G.W. Bush

Thank the gods.  I was a tad bit worried there as I watched gas prices in Chicago soar to $4.50 a gallon.  I was just slightly disturbed when I spent $40 bucks at CVS and all I bought were paper towels, crossword puzzles and American Pie: Band Camp on DVD.  And I was a tad nervous when the doctor told me he could remove the lesions if only I put on a blonde wig, some heels and called him “Daddy”. 

But thankfully, none of that was a result of a gummed-up government overrun by lobbyists and big oil.  No.  Wall Street has just been boozin’ a bit… and that, dear readers, is certainly understandable.

Because nothin’ says America like a good old buzz.

I certainly am not immune from this.  In fact, by perusing the plentiful posts here at RSBS one could rightfully gather that we (Allen and I) are a bunch of drunks ourselves.  It’s true!  We are not ashamed!

US America is a country built on the boozing backgrounds of Europeans, Asians, Africans — all drunks!  Like baseball and apple pie, an everlasting state of drunkenness is simply the American way; Wall Street could not hide for long.

In light of this new information, let us follow the President’s lead:

Every good drunk needs his drunken hero and baseball has always provided plenty.  From Babe Ruth to Ty Cobb to Josh Hamilton, the grandest game on earth has never stopped producing inebriated icons.  Jim Edmonds was mine until he switched sides, but I’ve included his picture here still because of the pleasant company he keeps while out on the town.  Nowadays, I look to the boozing comeback of Sidney Ponson for inspiration… what a story.  And Rondell White.  He wasn’t named in the Mitchell Report because of his weakness for Tanqueray and tonics *wink, wink* but the man was a leader in the party scene. 

jim edmonds.jpgsidney ponson.jpgThumbnail image for rondell white.jpgTo these baseball heroes and a quick hangover recovery for our economy I raise my glass with you and say “Cheers!”  I also ask that you don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m (burp) right.

Peace,

Jeffy

The Anatomy of Being Absolutely Wrong

Thumbnail image for goreangryatal.jpgThis is to you and you only, Mr. Krause:  You’re absolutely nuts.  You’re absolutely nuts, and you’re absolutely wrong.  You’re absolutely nuts, you’re absolutely wrong and your most recent post is absolutely embarrassing. 

I have given you a pass on the dumb things that have come out of your posts before — sometimes I merely chided you and sometimes I partook in a bit of playful teasing; but like Hillary and her ill-timed reference to Bobby Kennedy’s June primary assassination, this time, you have gone too far, Al.

And you must suffer the consequences.

When asked if hitting .400 was an unreachable goal, you responded with such infantile and insane statements like:

“…the answer is yes, hitting .400 is an unreachable goal today. There
is so much that goes into just simply getting a hit, a guy who can hit
.300 or better is a catch. I mean, first of all you have to make
contact with balls that are coming at crazy speeds and crazy angles and
then you have to put it into a place where a fielder is not. In the
game today, managers and players alike do their homework and
positioning makes it that much harder to get a decent hit.”


REBUTTAL:
You answered the question.  I’ll give you that.  But your reasoning is reminiscent of George W. in that it’s straight out of Crazytown.  ‘Crazy speeds and crazy angles‘?  Seriously?  The game of baseball (especially this aspect) has changed very little in the last 100 years, Al.   ‘You have to put it into a place where a fielder is not‘?  Again, since the inception of baseball this has always been the case.  Do you even watch baseball?  Do you know how it’s played?  Have you ever played yourself?

“But the fact of the matter is that the level of competition day in and
day out in the Majors is much greater than it was back when Ted
Williams was scattering the ball all over the field. Besides, he also
froze his head so he can try to come back one day. Only someone who’s
that kind of crazy has a chance at .400.”


REBUTTAL:
Really?  So you’re saying that when Ted Williams hit .406 in 1941 — when there were just 16 teams in all of Major League Baseball — that the level of competition was less than it is now in 2008?   You are aware that there are 30 teams in Major League Baseball now, right?  You are aware that nowadays, guys like Geoff Jenkins and Sean Casey and Boof Bonser make it to the majors where as in 1941, they’d be lucky to catch the game on the radio while working at the local laundromat, right?  And I’m quite sure that Rogers Hornsby and Ty Cobb didn’t have their heads frozen or anything like that, yet they managed to hit .400 and guess what: they’re Hall of Famers too!

“…the more important matter is what does it matter if someone hits .400?”

REBUTTAL: It matters, Mr. Krause, for the same reason that it matters if someone hits over 60 homers, or hits safely in 56 consecutive games, or gets over 200 hits in a season or steals 100 bases.  It matters because it’s really friggin’ hard to do, man!  Come on!  Get a grip!  We’re talking about hitting .400 here, not hitting for a cycle or some arbitrary numbers-related coincidence.  Only 33 players in the history of MLB have ever hit over .400 for a season!  And no one — I said NO ONE – has done it since 1941!  Ty Cobb, Ted Williams, Rogers Hornsby, George Sisler, Joe Jackson… I’d say those names are pretty synonymous with baseball greatness.  Again, do you even watch baseball, Allen?

In conclusion, you wrote this:

“No, I don’t think .400 is an achievable goal but I also don’t think
it’s all that important. And that’s all I have to say about that.”

Fine.  You’re definitely entitled to your opinion — as wrong as they often are —  that it is ultimately an unachievable goal.  Who knows, you might even be right.  It still seems that the 56 game hitting streak is unrepeatable, so maybe hitting .400 is too.  But to say that it is unimportant is absolute blasphemy, heresy, sacrilege.  It is disrespectful of the greatest game on earth and the good people (me) who follow it to the nerdiest degree. 

Hitting .400 is certainly important, Al. 

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy

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