Results tagged ‘ Video ’
You, Robot
Robots do pretty much everything these days. They build cars, they do the vacuuming. Some of the more nefarious ones get sent back from the future to kill unsuspecting young men while others freakishly decapitate fiancees leading to epic quotes like, “That’s not your arm. That’s my bitch’s arm.”
Ok, so maybe the last two aren’t real but robots have advanced by leaps and bounds. In fact, there’s a good chance that someday soon one of those leaps or bounds could be by a robot chasing you down in the streets. Don’t believe me? Check this out. If that doesn’t scare you, how about this little factoid? Your grandkids are going to have sex with robots.
One thing you don’t have to worry about, though, is robots taking over baseball.
Yep, we’re safe for now.
-A
Pink on Pink on Repeat
If you follow this blog, you know that I am not a fan of pink baseball caps. I pretty much feel the same way about them that Rick Santorum feels about anything that smacks of fun: it’s a sin. I can get behind pink bats for breast cancer awareness and maybe even pink bases for one day. But people who show up to baseball games wearing pink hats? Nope. That just isn’t appropriate.
I’m not sure what it is about pink hats that annoys me so much. Almost every club has alternate caps that they wear from time to time to switch things up. However, the alternates tend to reflect the official colors of the team. In reality, alternate caps and jerseys are just a way for teams to generate revenue and that’s a brand of capitalism I can get behind. With the pink hats, though, I honestly don’t see how they can be making enough money to make it worthwhile. I’m sorry but a pink Detroit Tigers’ hat is just wrong. Despite my feelings toward the New York Yankees, I still don’t feel right seeing one of their caps in pink either.
But as much as I dislike the unholy spectre of pink baseball hats, it pales in comparison to my feelings for the no-talent asshattery of Brittany Smooch:
Seriously, if I was forced to choose between watching either this video or Two Girls, One Cup on a loop for 24 hours, there’s a good chance I’d ask for rat poison instead.
Happy Saturday!
-A
Situation Chipper
The 2012 season will be Chipper Jones’ last, signifying for me a quaint full circle of baseball life. From a goofy-grinned rook to an over-the-hill vet, I had the pleasure of witnessing it all, and I can’t help but tip my cap to the future Hall of Famer for all he’s done throughout his career, on and off the field.
With that, here is what immediately enters my mind whenever his name comes up:
The 1995 Season
Infuriated by a silent October in ’94, I vehemently quit on Major League Baseball. I will have nothing to do with those crooked chumps! Who do they think they are taking away my Fall Classic!?!? Troglodytes the whole lot of ‘em!
Yeah, but… see, there’s this guy named Chipper. He’s with the Braves. He’s gonna be a superstar.
And he was. 23 bombs. 86 RBIs. And one cool stroke, from both sides of the plate. By the second half of the ’95 season, all had been forgiven and I was hoarding baseball cards of a man with a goofy name.
The 2008 Season and Media Guide Photo
Now a lot of stuff happened between 1995 and 2008, but I want to focus on the monster season Chipper had. I recall arguing here with my lugubrious and oft-crotchety colleague, Mr. Allen Krause, whether or not Chipper could realistically hit .400. He made a good run at it, but had to settle for .364, and in the process provided one of the worst media guide photos of all time:
All-Star Weekend 2009
I had the good fortune of attending the ASG in St. Louis and taking in all the awesome that comes with such an extravaganza. As you can imagine, heavy drinking was involved, and on the evening of July 13, at a seedy bar deep in the heart of Soulard, I was an accomplice to my friend losing a $100 bar bet on whether or not Chipper played any significant time at any other position than third base during his career. I found out it only takes a few vodka bombs to forget that Chipper spent a some years manning left field for the Bravos. I think my pal has forgiven me for that absentmindedness. Now if only we could remember how we ended up in Sauget smelling like frosting, covered in glitter.
Yes, I’d say Chipper had a brilliant career, even if the last few years have looked more like an AH-64 Apache helicopter crash after attempting to push its limit. What’s THAT look like? Glad ya asked!
Happy Friday!
Jeff
Truly Master of His Domain
It’s nice to be the world champion in something. For instance, Jeff still has another few months during which the Cardinals are the world champions in baseball. That’s a good feeling. Me, I’m not part of a world champion anything. But when I consider the possibilities, things in which one could be world champion, well…
…I think I’m all right being regular old me. It certainly beats that title.
-A
The Luck of the Irish
At first blush, baseball doesn’t seem to have all that many ties to Ireland. Sure, St. Patrick may have used a blunt, bat-like object to whack away at the snakes invading the Emerald Isle but the Irish are more of cricket/soccer/rugby sort of nation.
However, there’s one thing that baseball fans and the Irish can agree on and that’s the fact that their preferred sport, whatever it may be, goes down even better with a nice tall beer. I think that’s probably the main reason that RSBS‘ ongoing collaboration with Guinness to create the World’s Biggest St. Patrick’s Day Party makes so much sense.
St. Patty’s is only a few short days away and, as the muppets remind us each year, it’s a day fraught with emotion:
This year, before you begin boiling your cabbage and corned beef, help RSBS make that emotion joy for some kids in Chicago.
-A
Kenny Rogers: Not Just a Dirty Left Hand
I love it when the old timers show up at spring training. Decked out in jerseys that don’t fit and pants that would be better off… well, off (and hopefully replaced by something baggy), seeing them throwing BP and shagging flies always gets me to smile.
So when I heard Kenny Rogers was in Tigers camp I quickly browsed the internets for proof. Though I was surprised to see Kenny has taken on the Prince Fielder diet (good grief, don’t ex-baseballers know about portion control???), I was pleased to see that he still has that gruff go-EFF-yerself demeanor.
Too bad I couldn’t find any recent pictures of his left hand. The last time I saw it, it was pissing me off.
I even searched the YouTubes to see if said hand was still up to its dirty tricks and this is what I found:
Bummer. Couldn’t get a good look. Still, the Jack Daniels is a nice touch, especially for a spring training camp that includes Miguel Cabrera.
*BUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRN*
Hate me. It’s all good. Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
Peace,
Jeff
(Image courtesy of Brad Galli)
2012′s Mouthwatering Prospects
The run up to summer blockbuster season is a lot like baseball’s offseason. Lots of rumors, lots of movement and everyone talking about who’s going to do what and who will be the winners and losers. Expectations mount as we get closer to the start of the season, as we start seeing all the previews that look great. With both baseball and movies, though, it’s hard to tell what you’re really going to get until opening day.
Not that this will stop me from drooling in anticipation. I mean, come on. The Tigers have Cabrera and Prince at the corners! Sure, that’s an exponentially compounded defensive liability but the prospects at the plate are simply mouthwatering. Kind of like the Alien prequel, Prometheus:
And if that isn’t enough to whet your appetite, how about a little brilliance in advertising:
Summer 2012. Was there a better time to be alive?
-A
Gut Punched by a Halo
Albert Pujols is an Angel.
I understand he’s just going about his business, but I sorta feel like every time he opens his mouth or takes a swing with that halo on his head he’s deliberately punching me in the gut.
“Here. Take that, mang.”
Ouch, Albert. Ouch.
It’s one thing to get over an ex-lover, but it’s another thing to get over an ex-lover when SHE’S TOTALLY IN FRACKING LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE. And when she goes around showing off her newfound bliss that DOESN’T INCLUDE YOU, it makes getting up in the morning pretty dang difficult! Not even the toughest of tough guys can get rid of the awful, looping image of his ex-girlfriend having hot-love action with some other dude. It’s just… sickening.
*SIGH*
At least I have a back-up plan.
Happy Friday!
Jeff
What Detroit Can Teach Us
“Ideology is just a pejorative word for principles in which you happen not to believe.”
-The Economist, 11 February 2012
Ideology colors everything. For the dyed-in-the-wool conservative, Obama’s healthcare plan is a socialist plot that threatens the very foundation of the United States. For the liberal, it’s a half-assed compromise that sells out to big business and especially insurance companies. In reality, it’s the first step toward reining in out of control healthcare spending that simultaneously provides a laughable level of actual service.
And ideology goes further than that, filtering everything through a lens of principles and beliefs. This is fine to a certain extent when the debate is constructive and leads to better proposals and more responsive policies. But when ideology goes too far, it leads to a total lack of common sense.
For instance, take the uproar over Chrysler’s Super Bowl ad. Setting aside the fact that Clint Eastwood is apolitical at best, it’s hard to see how this car ad could be taken as anything but a commentary on the tough economic conditions Americans have faced over the past few years and how Chrysler wants them to know that they went through the same thing. Look at it again:
Me, I see a pretty darn effective car commercial. But conservatives see a hidden campaign for Obama’s re-election while liberals interpret it as anti-union. It makes me wonder what they’d see in last year’s Chrysler Super Bowl commercial:
Xenophobia? Racism? Socialism?
Here’s what I think. Detroit is a metaphor for America. And Detroit has had a rough decade. But Detroit hasn’t given up. Look at the Tigers and Lions. Look at the new line of Fords. Hell, look at what Chrysler is turning out. That, my friends, has nothing to do with ideology. It has everything to do with inspiration.
-A
G’head, Jeremy, Yer Doin’ It Right!
Move over, Keith, there’s a new number 17 in town and he’s got everyone going so LINsane that those all-night disco-caine parties from ’86 look like an afternoon tea. That’s right, folks. Just when you thought you might finally be over that Tim Tebow hangover, in walks the first EVER American born Chinese to play in the NBA. And boy can he play!
(If you don’t know who Jeremy Lin is by now, then it’s time to OPEN YOUR EYES)
Don’t worry, I’m not gonna go into some long philosophical diatribe on how Lin’s soft swishing three serves as the perfect metaphor for a hard-working, faith-based US American populous because, as you might already know, THAT’S CRAZY TALK.
What I am going to do is urge you to jump on board the LINvincible Train so you’re not all alone out there on Planet Boring. Besides overusing the same lame LIN puns, the LINvincible Train also features dramatic spin-moves and celebrity bandwagoneers… like the Colorado Rockies’ Jeremy Guthrie!
It’s amazing what getting out of Baltimore can do for a pitcher’s offseason creativity.
G’head, Jeremy! Yer doin’ it right!
Hate me ‘cuz you can, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
Peace,
Jeff
Red State Blue State
Recent Comments