Results tagged ‘ Video ’

Joey Devine and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Few Years

Dr. James Andrews and his ground-breaking Tommy John surgical procedure has given many years of service back to Big Leaguers who may have otherwise been forced to retire.  It has also provided many extra years of thrills for fans.  Without the surgery, we don’t have Strasburg.  We don’t have Adam Wainwright.  We don’t have A LOT of big time stars.

But, not everyone recovers as planned.

Enter, Joey Devine.

Despite the surname, his career path has been anything but.  After a promising 2008 season where he went 6-1 in 42 appearances with a STUNNING .59 ERA, dude got kissed by the angel of shoulder death and was forced to have the highly effective surgery.  Unlike most people though, two years later, he still hadn’t recovered properly; and now, in 2012, it appears Mr. Devine has to have Tommy John surgery AGAIN.

If Devine ever makes it back to the Bigs, you bet I’m gonna stand and applaud his every appearance.  For the fortitude it must take to stay focused, to battle back against such adversity, would surely require we all do so.

Unfortunately, the current situation doesn’t look good.  So I’m gonna pour out some liquor for his career.

Hang in there, Joey Devine.  If it makes you feel any better, I know a Cantonese stripper named Joy Yee Divine.  So every time I hear your name I chuckle.  To myself, of course.

Hate me ‘cuz I make it rain sometimes, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Righting a Wrong

Photo via kids.aol.com

In all the hubbub of Opening Day last week, we forgot one very important thing.  Before you can yell “Play ball,” you have to sing the anthem.  Here to right that wrong is Frank Drebin:

Ok, now it’s official.  Play ball!!!

-A

Dirty Dancing at the World Bank

In response to the twin shocks of the Great Depression and World War II, the allied powers decided to cooperate on a system that would hopefully prevent another catastrophic financial collapse.  The plan they came up with, the Bretton Woods system, created two of the most powerful financial institutions in the world today, the International Monetary Fund (IMF) and the World Bank.

By convention, the IMF is headed by a European and the World Bank by an American.  And since voting is by quota, not by a one vote per person system, it’s relatively easy for this practice to continue.  That doesn’t mean the unwritten policy is always appreciated, though.  For instance, the World Bank is in the process of electing a new president who is not the top choice of the African continent and most of the developing world, the constituencies most served by the Bank.  If you’re curious as to who this person might be, wait until about the two minute point in this video and you’ll see him:

Yes, he’s the former President of Dartmouth.  Yes, he’s a founder of Partner’s in Health which has ostensibly helped many poor people in Haiti access health care.  However, Mr. Jim Yong Kim is not a good dancer.  He also has no background in economics despite that being somewhat germane to the subject matter.  Actually, let’s really simplify this.  Bud Selig is more qualified to be MLB Commissioner than Kim is to be World Bank president.  Man, that statement even scares me.

-A

You, Robot

Robots do pretty much everything these days.  They build cars, they do the vacuuming.  Some of the more nefarious ones get sent back from the future to kill unsuspecting young men while others freakishly decapitate fiancees leading to epic quotes like, “That’s not your arm.  That’s my bitch’s arm.”

Ok, so maybe the last two aren’t real but robots have advanced by leaps and bounds.  In fact, there’s a good chance that someday soon one of those leaps or bounds could be by a robot chasing you down in the streets.  Don’t believe me?  Check this out.  If that doesn’t scare you, how about this little factoid?  Your grandkids are going to have sex with robots.

One thing you don’t have to worry about, though, is robots taking over baseball.

Yep, we’re safe for now.

-A

Pink on Pink on Repeat

If you follow this blog, you know that I am not a fan of pink baseball caps.  I pretty much feel the same way about them that Rick Santorum feels about anything that smacks of fun: it’s a sin.  I can get behind pink bats for breast cancer awareness and maybe even pink bases for one day.  But people who show up to baseball games wearing pink hats?  Nope.  That just isn’t appropriate.

I’m not sure what it is about pink hats that annoys me so much.  Almost every club has alternate caps that they wear from time to time to switch things up.  However, the alternates tend to reflect the official colors of the team.  In reality, alternate caps and jerseys are just a way for teams to generate revenue and that’s a brand of capitalism I can get behind.  With the pink hats, though, I honestly don’t see how they can be making enough money to make it worthwhile.  I’m sorry but a pink Detroit Tigers’ hat is just wrong.  Despite my feelings toward the New York Yankees, I still don’t feel right seeing one of their caps in pink either.

But as much as I dislike the unholy spectre of pink baseball hats, it pales in comparison to my feelings for the no-talent asshattery of Brittany Smooch:

Seriously, if I was forced to choose between watching either this video or Two Girls, One Cup on a loop for 24 hours, there’s a good chance I’d ask for rat poison instead.

Happy Saturday!

-A

Situation Chipper

The 2012 season will be Chipper Jones’ last, signifying for me a quaint full circle of baseball life.  From a goofy-grinned rook to an over-the-hill vet, I had the pleasure of witnessing it all, and I can’t help but tip my cap to the future Hall of Famer for all he’s done throughout his career, on and off the field.

With that, here is what immediately enters my mind whenever his name comes up:

The 1995 Season
Infuriated by a silent October in ’94, I vehemently quit on Major League Baseball.  I will have nothing to do with those crooked chumps!  Who do they think they are taking away my Fall Classic!?!?  Troglodytes the whole lot of ‘em! 

Yeah, but… see, there’s this guy named Chipper.  He’s with the Braves.  He’s gonna be a superstar.

And he was.  23 bombs.  86 RBIs.  And one cool stroke, from both sides of the plate.  By the second half of the ’95 season, all had been forgiven and I was hoarding baseball cards of a man with a goofy name.

The 2008 Season and Media Guide Photo
Now a lot of stuff happened between 1995 and 2008, but I want to focus on the monster season Chipper had.  I recall arguing here with my lugubrious and oft-crotchety colleague, Mr. Allen Krause, whether or not Chipper could realistically hit .400.  He made a good run at it, but had to settle for .364, and in the process provided one of the worst media guide photos of all time:

All-Star Weekend 2009
I had the good fortune of attending the ASG in St. Louis and taking in all the awesome that comes with such an extravaganza.  As you can imagine, heavy drinking was involved, and on the evening of July 13, at a seedy bar deep in the heart of Soulard, I was an accomplice to my friend losing a $100 bar bet on whether or not Chipper played any significant time at any other position than third base during his career.  I found out it only takes a few vodka bombs to forget that Chipper spent a some years manning left field for the Bravos.  I think my pal has forgiven me for that absentmindedness.  Now if only we could remember how we ended up in Sauget smelling like frosting, covered in glitter.

Yes, I’d say Chipper had a brilliant career, even if the last few years have looked more like an AH-64 Apache helicopter crash after attempting to push its limit.  What’s THAT look like?  Glad ya asked!

Happy Friday!

Jeff

Truly Master of His Domain

It’s nice to be the world champion in something.  For instance, Jeff still has another few months during which the Cardinals are the world champions in baseball.  That’s a good feeling.  Me, I’m not part of a world champion anything.  But when I consider the possibilities, things in which one could be world champion, well…

…I think I’m all right being regular old me.  It certainly beats that title.

-A

The Luck of the Irish

At first blush, baseball doesn’t seem to have all that many ties to Ireland.  Sure, St. Patrick may have used a blunt, bat-like object to whack away at the snakes invading the Emerald Isle but the Irish are more of cricket/soccer/rugby sort of nation.

However, there’s one thing that baseball fans and the Irish can agree on and that’s the fact that their preferred sport, whatever it may be, goes down even better with a nice tall beer.  I think that’s probably the main reason that RSBS‘ ongoing collaboration with Guinness to create the World’s Biggest St. Patrick’s Day Party makes so much sense.

St. Patty’s is only a few short days away and, as the muppets remind us each year, it’s a day fraught with emotion:

This year, before you begin boiling your cabbage and corned beef, help RSBS make that emotion joy for some kids in Chicago.

-A

Kenny Rogers: Not Just a Dirty Left Hand

I love it when the old timers show up at spring training.  Decked out in jerseys that don’t fit and pants that would be better off… well, off (and hopefully replaced by something baggy), seeing them throwing BP and shagging flies always gets me to smile.

So when I heard Kenny Rogers was in Tigers camp I quickly browsed the internets for proof.  Though I was surprised to see Kenny has taken on the Prince Fielder diet (good grief, don’t ex-baseballers know about portion control???), I was pleased to see that he still has that gruff go-EFF-yerself demeanor.

Too bad I couldn’t find any recent pictures of his left hand.  The last time I saw it, it was pissing me off.

I even searched the YouTubes to see if said hand was still up to its dirty tricks and this is what I found:

Bummer.  Couldn’t get a good look.  Still, the Jack Daniels is a nice touch, especially for a spring training camp that includes Miguel Cabrera.

*BUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRN*

Hate me.  It’s all good.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

(Image courtesy of Brad Galli)

2012′s Mouthwatering Prospects

The run up to summer blockbuster season is a lot like baseball’s offseason.  Lots of rumors, lots of movement and everyone talking about who’s going to do what and who will be the winners and losers.  Expectations mount as we get closer to the start of the season, as we start seeing all the previews that look great.  With both baseball and movies, though, it’s hard to tell what you’re really going to get until opening day.

Not that this will stop me from drooling in anticipation.  I mean, come on.  The Tigers have Cabrera and Prince at the corners!  Sure, that’s an exponentially compounded defensive liability but the prospects at the plate are simply mouthwatering.  Kind of like the Alien prequel, Prometheus:

And if that isn’t enough to whet your appetite, how about a little brilliance in advertising:

Summer 2012.  Was there a better time to be alive?

-A

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 67 other followers