Results tagged ‘ Yankees ’

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Podcast Schmegleschleimer, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

In Memoriam.  Hallelujah.

My favorite part of any award ceremony — be it the Oscars, Golden Globes, Emmys or Tonys — is the part where they celebrate those who passed on into the good night. As we wind down this great baseball season, Setting the Mahmud has prepared its own In Memoriam of sorts, to remember those who are no longer with us whilst honoring some of TV’s greats!

Adam Dunn/Steve Landesberg
“Arrest the first naked guy you see with a dirty mouth.”
His fate is yet to be determined. One of the most consistent players EVER was anything but this year. I wish all the best for my large bat wielding friend. Hope he can Lazarus himself mightily next season.  (Also, Barney Miller is one of the most underrated shows of all time). How is Abe Vigoda still kickin it and Steve Landesberg just kicked it??

Jorge Posada/Peter Falk
“Well, it’s better than a gallstone. Did ya ever have a gallstone ma’am?”
Surpassed defensively by Francisco Cervelli and out-hit by Russell Martin, this could very well be the end for Hip Hip Jorge!! And if it is, I think the YANKS will pull through. A $200 million payroll will do that for ya.

Miguel Tejada/Aaron Rowand/Bill Erwin 
“What are those bums doing back there?! It’s like watching a couple hyenas going through the garbage!!”
Designated for assignment for these cats. Rowand probably bashed his head into a wall too many times and Tejada is well… probably 50.

Johan Santana/Tom Bosley
Marion Cunningham: Richie just hasn’t got the appetite that Chuck has.
Howard Cunningham: Marion, Argentina hasn’t got the appetite that Chuck has.
A personal favorite of mine. His fantastic slider was a thing of GLORIOUSNESS.

And now, please enjoy the fine work of the Canadian Tenors! (Jeff Buckley won’t mind. Trust me.) Oh, and tip one out for Uncle Frank.


–Johanna Mahmud
Follow Johanna on Twitter!

The Filibuster

College football and the NFL have both come back with a vengeance but for MLB, there really aren’t any compelling races at this point.  How can baseball compete?

Ryan
Otsego, MI
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Pardon my frankness here, Ryan, but…

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKIN’ ABOUT?

No compelling races?  How can baseball compete?

Put down that tequilla shooter (slowly) and check the boxscores before you miss out!

Because the time is NOW for September baseball and there is PLENTY to be excited about.  Right now the AL East is as tight a race as they come, and believe me: the Yankees and Red Sox both want to win that division as each would rather draw the weaker opponent in the ALDS.  Meanwhile, the AL Central is anything but locked down.  Sure it might not be neck and neck, but if the Tigers have taught us anything in the last few years, it’s that they definitely know how to blow a sure thing.  And if you think the Rangers aren’t worried about the creeping Angels of Los Anaheim, ya might wanna put down the vodka too (keep the whisky, for now).

In the National League, sure the East, Central and Wild Card races seem to be locked down, but the NL West is still undecided.  The Diamondbacks are coming on strong but if the Giants can just average one run a game, with THAT pitching staff, they have a pretty good shot.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love football just as much as any other loud proud US American, but early season games being more important than the stretch baseball run?  Not in my world.  Not even close!

If you’re not feelin’ it, I gotta think that maybe it’s your fault.  Sit down and watch one of these games that matters.  Or, don’t.  I mean, STRASMAS is comin’ this year, so you could watch that!  Or check out a Bluejays game to watch the Joey Bats and Brett Lawrie Show!  Or get your buddies together for an Orioles game and every time they make an error, miss the cut-off man or fail to advance a runner TAKE A DRINK!  You’ll be so loaded by the third inning that your decision making skills will deteriorate to a level that will GUARANTEE a night of awesome once you hit the club.

Hate me ‘cuz I promote promiscuous behavior while championing the greatest game on earth, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

**Have a topic you want to see us Filibuster?  Curious as to why they call Mr. Krause “The Bumpiest 30 Seconds You’ll Ever Find”?  Send us your Filibuster questions by emailing kraulung@gmail.com or by commenting below.

The Filibuster

Tim Pawlenty is out of the race and Rick Perry is in.  Bachmann wins the straw poll but is still bat-sh*t insane.  If the Republican primary is a pennant race, who’s your horse?

Paul
Annandale, MI
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Oh boy.

Metaphors are my friends, metaphors are my friends, metaphors are my friends.

If the Republican primary is a pennant race, then it must be in the Arena Football League because I am finding it quite difficult taking any of them seriously.

Michele Bachmann?  Um… no.

Rick Perry?  Um… also no.

Please note my severe reluctance to support any candidate who harbors a deep relationship with imaginary friends who tend to be bipolar, judgmental, homophobe racists.

Rick Santorum?  Noooo.

Mitt Romney?  Double noooo.  Though I am still waiting for his endorsement of the Mormon Underwear website.

Newt Gingrich?  Yikes!  Now we’re really gettin’ into the thick of crazy!

Jimmy McMillan?  Okay, now we’ve reached the bottom.

Thad McCotter?  Cool name.  Boring everything else.

Sorry, Paul… ya see, unlike picking an MLB winner, crawling through this web of same-ole-same-ole GOP crazies is a bit difficult.  There is no Philadelphia Phillies lights-out candidate.  There is no Yankee flyer.  There is no Red Sox contender.

No.

But, wait… there is… hmm… there is hope.  And no, I’m not talking about the empty promise sounding “hope” dished out ad nauseum by the Obama campaign to dupe intellectual lefties like myself during the ’08 race.  No.  Staying here, within the “Republican” party, there is… there is another.

But before I can declare my allegiance, I need to think on it.  I need to think on it very, very carefully.  While I do so, remember not to hate me (because I’m right) and please enjoy this informational video thoughtfully prepared by the RSBS interns:


To be continued…

Jeff

**Have a topic you want to see us Filibuster?  Interested to know why Mr. Krause still can’t believe it’s not butter?  Send us your Filibuster questions by emailing kraulung@gmail.com or by commenting below.

Picturing the Evil Empire

We won the Cold War.  There’s no debating that.  The Soviet Union split up, Germany was reunified and communism went the way of the Whigs and the Bull Moose.  But sometimes it feels like we still lost.  Like when you hear about Vladimir Putin’s new personal photographer:

Sure, Vlad isn’t a Soviet per se but it’s pretty safe to say that he has a lot more in common with Stalin than he does with FDR.  Although maybe not quite so much.  The point is, the Russians may have lost the war but they seem to be winning the battle.

It’s a little like the Red Sox and the Yankees.  Sure, the Red Sox may have finally gotten by the Yankees to win that elusive World Series.  They may have even succeeded in doing it again right afterwards.  But they’re never going to catch the Yankees.  The Yankees are the Evil Empire just like Vlad and his boys are the heirs to the Soviet version.

So, what can we do?  How can we fight back against a Russia that just keeps coming back like some totalitarian Freddy Krueger?  Well, I think the first step is obvious.  Obama needs to get a better looking photographer:

The rest will work itself out from there.

-A

A Brief Pause for Insanity

If CNN’s Alex Castellanos hadn’t compared Michele Bachmann to Margaret Thatcher on CNN the other day, I wouldn’t have said anything because the crazies, the Brits and the delusionoids have been saying as much for a while now.  But when something that maniacal is aired to millions of susceptible US Americans, I can’t help but holla some common sense back into the universe.

WISE UP!  GET A GRIP!  DRINK SOME WATER!

Comparing Bachmann to Thatcher is like comparing Wilson Betemit to Babe Ruth!  Seriously!  The only thing Michele Bachmann and Margaret Thatcher have in common is that they both have vaginas!

Bachmann is STUPID.

Bachmann is DELUSIONAL.

Bachmann is a HOMOPHOBE.

She is a clear and present danger to liberty and to even mention her name in the same conversation as Margaret Thatcher’s (did you know she was a chemist by trade?) should be a crime.

And I just couldn’t hold that in, so I didn’t.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 26: Willow, R2D2 and Other Famous Midgets

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And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

“KEITH, GET A BUCKET!”

After Jeff and Allen dragged Johanna’s almost lifeless body out of the Lollapalooza bullpen, the RSBS crew sat down to smack down on all-things baseball.  Joined midway by special guest, Tim Baffoe of The Heckler and AM 670 The Score, everybody gets in on the roller coaster that is Chicago baseball, Tony LaRussa versus the World, Derek Jeter’s legacy and a hypothetical question involving the conflicting theologies of Ian Kinsler and Josh Hamilton.

This is some shizz ya ain’t gonna wanna miss!

And make sure to follow Tim Baffoe (aka the Ten Foot Midget) on Twitter.  Dude’s got a lock on sports satire!

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack. Make sure you follow him on Twitter and check out his sweet Undercast.  And, also, if you haven’t already, check out the teaser to his film-in-progress and don’t be afraid to help a brotha out!

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Recorded Saturday, August 6, 2011

I Can Haz an 11-Run Homer?

One reason why I’ll never tire of my inanimate life partner (her name is baseball) is because every time I watch a game, I have the chance to see something I’ve never seen before.  Or, as was the case Wednesday night at Sox Park, I might see 18 somethings I’ve never seen before.

The Yankees were in town.  My buddy Mike had sweet tickets on the 100 level.  And I was craving the sort of breeze only Adam Dunn’s wiff-n-miss bat can provide.

It didn’t take long for the game to get out of hand.  In fact, the game STARTED with something I have NEVER seen before: back-to-back bunt basehits, thanks to Brett Gardner and Derek Jeter.

In fact, Jeter went 5 for 6 in the game, only the fourth time he has ever collected five hits in one game (the third being his epic 3K performance just last month) and yes, that’s something I’ve never seen before.

I have also never seen a White Sox pitcher (Brian Bruney) enter a game, record ZERO outs, give up 2 hits and 2 earned runs and still not be the worst performer of the night.  Like my buddy Mike said: “When you put Will Ohman in in the third, it’s already a disaster.”

And, of course, nothing spells disaster like the 2011 version of Adam Dunn.

But hark!  Baseball games always offer something new; and I hadn’t been to a Sox game all season where Adam Dunn didn’t strike out at least once, BUT, lo and behold, Dunn went 1 for 4 with NO strikeouts!  Hallelujah!  Champagne for errrrrrrybody!

Dude still can’t hit an 11-run homer though.  At this moribund point, I’m thinking that might be the only thing that could save his career.

Happy Friday!

Jeff

The Sox scorecard. (Click to enlarge)

The Yanks scorecard. Notice all the black diamonds.

The Filibuster

A bunch of teams are clustered right around .500 and above and no division is even close to being set at this point.  Does this mean baseball is starting to reach parity?

Sean
Caledonia, MI 
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Beware, my friend.  I sense… something.  This… parity you speak of…

IT’S A TRAP!

It’s not real.

Just make-believe.

The truth is, the same old teams are still atop the same old divisions.  The Yankees.  The Red Sox.  The Phillies.  Okay, so the Mets and Dodgers may be out, but it’s not their faults!  They can blame poor ownership and mishandled funds!!!

I know that a quick glance at the standings may confuse the casual onlooker, that one could be easily misguided by the way the teams stack up.  But let’s face it: the NL and AL Centrals have been crapshoots for a decade, the NL West has been a contest in mediocrity for a long time.  The Angels’ dominance of the AL West was only usurped last year and in 2011 they have put themselves back in contention.

This is not parity.  This is, like our US American social ladder, a classic case of 99% of the wealth being in the hands of 1% of the population and everyone else is left to fend for himself.  The effect resembles something like parity.  But it ain’t.

It’s pitching.

I really believe that the Mitchell Report and its subsequent juicy fallout has forced teams to go back to what always works: good pitching.  With good pitching, you might have a decent shot at accumulating wins.  The Giants are a perfect example of a team that gets by on minimal offense and middle-of-the-pack payroll.  It’s not the stuff of dynasties… but when it works, it works, and that’s what teams are doing.

The Pirates are winning because of pitching (they can’t hit).  The Braves are winning because of pitching (they have a hard time scoring too).  The Diamondbacks could always hit, but this year they have… PITCHING.

Great pitching is the best defense against great hitting.  I didn’t write that.  Baseball wrote that.

When the Orioles and Blue Jays can compete in their own division… when the Nationals have a shot at the big boys in the NL East… that’s when I’ll consider parity’s existence.

But right now that seems like something that could only be found in a galaxy far, far away.

Hate me.  Fine.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

**Have a topic you want to see us Filibuster?  Want a free pimp for your blog?  Curious to know just how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Mr. Krause?  Send us your Filibuster questions by emailing kraulung@gmail.com or by commenting below.

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 25: Audible Pantslessness… and Other Stuff

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

After a rough night of Pirate inspired debauchery, Jeff and Johanna clear the cobwebs (and police reports) to make room for special guest, Paul Lebowitz.  It doesn’t take long for them to get riled up as they touch on the evil FOX chimera Joe McCarver, Clint Hurdle’s Pirates, the White Sox’s diamond impotence and much, much more!

Check out Paul’s baseball blog, The Prince of New York, and also consider checking out his books, like the 2011 Baseball Guide (I’m using it to destroy my fantasy baseball foes right now).

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Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack. Make sure you follow him on Twitter!  And if you’re into raunchy stunts and Hooter chicks, make sure to check out Keith’s Undercast at Undercard Films!

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Recorded Saturday, July 16, 2011

The Filibuster

Since it’s the start of the All-Star break, who’s your All-Star so far this season?

Paul
Cicero, IL
___________________________________

First of all, major cap tip to ultimate All-Star, The Captain, Derek Jeter, a man who has been giving me goosebumps for 17 years and counting.  Dude is a paragon of class, someone who always goes hard and who seems to have a natural knack for the dramatic.

Jeter is one of those duh, no kidding he’s an All-Star sorta guys, the Pete Rose type, the kind of player you always expect to be an All-Star ‘cuz that’ s how he carries himself, on and off the field.  But there’s another type of All-Star, the kind who generally isn’t included in the actual All-Star Game… they are the grinders, the 110% effort guys, the ones who find clean uniforms shameful.

When I was playing legion and high school ball, I was never the best on the team.  I was short.  I was skinny.  I pretty much had zero tools… but I always went hard.  Bruises, cuts, scrapes… I was tattooed with them.  One day, after a particularly poor team performance, Coach said we needed to give more effort, to go harder.  He said, “Lung has more energy in his pinky finger than the rest of you do as a team.”

I never forgot that.  And even though I didn’t have the talent to be a starter, or to be successful at baseball at all, I did learn to walk pretty tall after that because everyone knew I gave it everything I had on every play.

Nyjer Morgan does that today.

Shocking, yes, I know, that I would praise the talents of a misfit who plays for a rival team.  But have you ever watched Nyjer Morgan play baseball?  That dude is fired up!  And he plays helluh-hard!  There is no let-up in his game and above all the homeruns, the no-hitters, the miraculous defensive plays in the field, I would rather watch nine Nyjer Morgans play against nine Nyjer Morgans than any of the aforementioned spectacles.

He may be odd, he may be hot headed and he may be just a few clicks shy of stupid, but Nyjer Morgan loves baseball like I love baseball, and he plays it in such a way that I can’t ever take my eyes off him.

He’s my undisputed off-the-radar All-Star.

Hate me, it’s cool… just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

**Have a topic you want to see us Filibuster?  Want a free pimp for your blog?  Would you like to know if Mr. Krause’s rumored affinity for little people is true?  Send us your Filibuster questions by emailing kraulung@gmail.com or by commenting below.

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